Marina Tsvetaeva
To V.Ya. Bryusov
I’ve forgotten - your heart is but just a small torch,
Not a star! That is what I’ve omitted! -
To the poetry bookish approach,
Criticizing – from envy. Still young - stand old watch, -
Of a great poet’s touch
For a flash you’ve been being admitted.
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Я забыла, что сердце в Вас – только ночник,
Не звезда! Я забыла об этом!
Что поэзия Ваша из книг
И из зависти – критика. Ранний старик,
Вы опять мне на миг
Показались великим поэтом.
Марина Цветаева. В. Я. Брюсову. English
© Copyright: Вячеслав Чистяков, 2015
Свидетельство о публикации №115070604780
Свидетельство о публикации №115070604780
Рецензии
"But just" is too much. Either "but" or "just"
"To the poetry bookish approach" - "A bookish approach to poetry"?
"Criticizing - from envy" - "Criticisms come from envy"?
"You've been being" - doesn't fly.
Omitted and Admitted both seem off.
I would redo the whole thing. Honestly.
Евгения Саркисьянц 09.07.2015 22:03 • Заявить о нарушении
"To the poetry bookish approach" - "A bookish approach to poetry"?
"Criticizing - from envy" - "Criticisms come from envy"?
"You've been being" - doesn't fly.
Omitted and Admitted both seem off.
I would redo the whole thing. Honestly.
Евгения Саркисьянц 09.07.2015 22:03 • Заявить о нарушении
Yes, there is something to think about. To combine "but" with "just" is not too good for sure, still possible for emphizising the thought "but not only" to state the fact.
I'll return to it later on and will read your variant as well. Thanks.
Вячеслав Чистяков 10.07.2015 05:35 Заявить о нарушении
I'll return to it later on and will read your variant as well. Thanks.
Вячеслав Чистяков 10.07.2015 05:35 Заявить о нарушении
The meaning of “I’ve omitted” is: while enjoying something (in your poems, let’s say) I’ve disregarded (your inability to write good poetry - in general).
As to
Of a great poet’s touch
For a flash you’ve been being admitted
In other words:
For a moment I have been thinking that you have a touch (жилку) of a great poet. – It’s like an impression that is being obtained at the time of speaking.
Or, closer to the text: For a minute you’ve been being admitted to be a person of great talent as a poet. I can agree that it may, or must, be expressed in a more simple way – hope to do it somehow, but to uphold the understanding.
Вячеслав Чистяков 10.07.2015 08:26 Заявить о нарушении
As to
Of a great poet’s touch
For a flash you’ve been being admitted
In other words:
For a moment I have been thinking that you have a touch (жилку) of a great poet. – It’s like an impression that is being obtained at the time of speaking.
Or, closer to the text: For a minute you’ve been being admitted to be a person of great talent as a poet. I can agree that it may, or must, be expressed in a more simple way – hope to do it somehow, but to uphold the understanding.
Вячеслав Чистяков 10.07.2015 08:26 Заявить о нарушении