Ахмадулина Вулканы English

In numbness dead volcanoes stay,
Burnt ash descends upon their feet.
Deep down, the resting giants lay
Whose evil deed is now complete.

Though ever cold is their domain,
And grave, the burden of the earth -
Come night, same sinful scenes again      
Before their sleepy eyes come forth.

They see the city of much fame,
Which unbeknownst is doomed to fade;
The garden blossoms in a frame
Of basalt rock turned colonnade;

Girls picking flowers for the wreaths
In bunches blooming fragrantly;
Men sipping wine to promised bliss
In Bacchus lovers’ company…

The feast is heating, getting wild;
They revel in their foolishness.
O my dear girl Pompeii, the child
Born to a slave and a princess!

What thought engaged you - in the charm
Of lucky destiny’s deceit -
As you so bravely leaned your arm
Upon Vesuvius, my sweet? 

You were enamored by his lore;
Dilated eyes would keenly stare -
But his unstoppable amore
Burst far too strong for you to bear.

And he brought down his wisest head
As day was settling into eve
And pressed it to your feet, now dead –
And hollered out a scream, “Forgive!”


Рецензии
Zhenya, for the first attempt quite good, but... the problem is with the metre. In the original it is 9-8-9-8
It could be good to keep it, f.ex. like this (though can't be sure re grammar :(

So silent are the burnt volcanoes
And ashes powder the pit.
The giants rest'n them, deep down as
Their evil deed is now complete.

Not ideal either, because with diphthongs it is closer to 10-8

Валентин Емелин   18.04.2013 08:04     Заявить о нарушении
Thank you for the comment! I know about the meter issue, of course - that was the main reason why I told you it's not ideal. I tried the "correct" meter at first and hated the product. What I finally got turned out much better than what I had before sacrificing the "female" rhymes... I often do that actually, you could even say it's my signature technique. :) I don't think I'll be changing the meter any time soon if everything else looks good. Putting the correct meter in costs too much in terms of overall quality, in my case.

Евгения Саркисьянц   18.04.2013 16:26   Заявить о нарушении
ya, dat's fine:) it is not an easy one, and u did quite well.

Валентин Емелин   18.04.2013 19:40   Заявить о нарушении
They are never easy. :) And thank you. I enjoyed the poem and the process of translating it, and, believe it or not, I had not read the poem before you mentioned it to me. :(

Евгения Саркисьянц   18.04.2013 21:37   Заявить о нарушении
I sure can believe, it is not possible to read all. But u know her Poem of the Rain? If not - I strongly recommend :)

Валентин Емелин   18.04.2013 22:25   Заявить о нарушении