Stay

Part I
Us

The sun was slowly sinking below the horizon, its fiery glow bathing the Tel Aviv beach in golden light. I sat next to you, the warmth of the sand beneath us a stark contrast to the storm going on inside me. The salty air whipped around us, and I couldn’t help but steal glances at you — your dark hair all messed up by the wind, your tan, your eyes burning with fire and longing.

“Do you remember that time you tried to teach me how to surf?” I asked, trying to break the thick tension that was suffocating us.

You laughed, that rich sound spilling into the air. “Yeah! God, if you can imagine a worse student, it was definitely you. I thought I’d have to dive in and save you.”

“Come on! I wasn’t that bad. I think that’s when you fell for me,” I teased, but my voice wavered at the end. “Did you fall for me?”

“Get lost,” you shot back, laughing, though your tone softened at the edges. “Stop looking at me like that; you know damn well what’s up.”

I let the banter hang in the air for a moment, a fleeting distraction from the reality pressing down on us. The waves crashed rhythmically, their sound filling the silence. “But seriously,” I said, my tone shifting, “I’m gonna miss you.”

You turned to me, your expression suddenly sharp. “What the hell is in San Francisco that you want so badly?”

“I don’t even know anymore,” I admitted, the words spilling out before I could stop them. “You’ll call me a damn careerist, but I don’t want to lose this job. But at the same time… I’m scared to lose you.”

“Scared?” You raised an eyebrow, leaning back slightly. “Or just lying to yourself? It’s just a damn job. What about us?”

“Yeah, it’s just a damn job,” I replied, frustration creeping into my voice. “But I have to try.”

You ran a hand through your hair, the sunlight catching the strands, giving you an almost ethereal glow. “You think you’re gonna be okay over there? In San Francisco, surrounded by all those perfect… people? The city of freedom — no strings, no limits.”

“It’s tough to top Tel Aviv,” I countered, trying to sound light, but failing. “Temptations are everywhere, right? You, for instance. I didn’t plan on getting caught up with anyone here.” I paused, meeting your gaze. “Not at first, anyway. And now — now I can’t even think straight when you’re sitting there looking like… I don’t even have the words.”


Part II
Closer

You smirked faintly, but your eyes stayed serious. “The more I look at you, the more I want to pull you into my arms...”

“Then why don’t you? Why don’t we just —”

“Because it’ll hurt like hell,” you cut me off, your voice low. “You can’t just kiss me and walk away. It’s not fair.”

“Maybe it’s not about being fair,” I shot back, my frustration boiling over. “Maybe it’s about being real. I want to remember this. Us.”

You leaned in closer, the space between us shrinking until I could feel the heat of your breath. “You really think that’s what you want?”

“Yes. I need to feel you before I go,” I said. I reached out, running a hand along your jawline. “I want to take you with me, even if it’s just a piece. I want you so f….ng badly, damn it. I don’t know how I’ll leave.”

You hesitated, your breath hitching as you stared at me, your expression unreadable. Then you pulled back slightly. “You’re being reckless. What happens when you can’t come back?”

I clenched my teeth, heat rising in my chest. “So what? You’re just gonna sit there and pretend this doesn’t matter? Pretend we don’t?”

“I’m trying to protect myself,” you said sharply, the fire in your eyes sparking to life. “From what happens when it’s over.”

I leaned in. "I know, babe. I know everything, but I just want to kiss you, right here, right now… Like there’s no one else around, like nobody’s looking, like... Like it's the last time, damn it."

You froze. Then, barely above a whisper, you said, “Then do it.”

I surged forward, capturing your lips with mine. The kiss was a whirlwind of pent-up passion and desperation, filled with everything we had kept bottled up for so long. It was hungry. I tasted salt, and something sweet, and you, all of you.

When we finally broke apart, I searched your face for something I couldn’t name. For a second, I thought, If you tell me to stay, I will. Just say it.
But you didn’t.


Part III
Stay

“What the hell was that?” you asked, breathless, a faint smirk playing on your lips.

“Something to make sure you won’t forget me,” I said, trying to sound casual. “You’ll be thinking about this the whole time I’m gone.” Maybe even… forever.

You shook your head, half-laughing, half-crying. “You’re infuriating. You know that?”

“Believe it,” I shot back, grinning despite everything. “You’re stuck with me, no matter how far away I am.”

A slight breeze picked up, the beach growing colder. The few people lingering on the sand hurried to pack their towels and shake off the day. It was all so familiar. I’d seen it a hundred times. I’d done it myself. But now I was leaving, and everything would stay behind. You would stay behind.

I clenched my jaw and turned away, so I wouldn’t have to see you.

At that moment, you touched my shoulder, turned me to face you, and said, your voice low, “I want you to come back in a year. Let’s sit here again, like this.”

You hesitated. “I… I love —”

“Shut up,” I interrupted, my voice breaking. “What the f… are you doing? I love you. You know I love you. Damn you and your stupid heart.”

You tried to hug me, but I pushed your hand away. When you tried again, I gave in, pressing myself into you, holding on like it was the last thing I’d ever do. If you could see my face, you’d notice the tears filling my eyes…

We stayed there until it was completely dark. Until the stars came out.

The next day, I flew out. You didn’t come to see me off. I insisted. I just didn’t want to hear: “stay.”


Фото: Израиль, Тель-Авив, 2007
(фото моё)