So, you wanna be a doctor..

so you want to be a doctor...
without thinking about what awaits you tomorrow...
illness, low pay, foul language and annoying patients,
when the real patients
simply cannot reach you,
own insecurity, sometimes a miserable existence,
humiliation and loss of dignity, entering into disputes and discourses, participating in conferences and again deviating from the rules of morality, Friday affairs in the bar,
when the same thought comes to you repeatedly:
why am I here?
do you still want to be a doctor..?
and will you never be offended,
that while you are in some hospital,
have your peers advanced to residency or whatever without having a clue about the diseases you and I faced?

And yet... you want to be a doctor...
Because you haven’t been to epidemic areas, you haven’t itched after visiting a patient with a skin disease, you haven’t smelled their urine and the poisonous air of landfills and horse droppings

and when you returned home you never felt disgusted by the clothes that you wanted to quickly take off and take a swim?

Oh my God,..! do you still want to be a doctor!?
Are you normal after this, when everyone wants to live in a comfort zone?
you get into the thick of things, wiping the bloody faces of January with a bandage, putting splints and plaster on broken arms and legs, sliding yourself and falling backwards on your back during the ice...
When mothers tuck their children into bed and fall asleep in the arms of their husbands, you don’t even have time to get married paying off all your loans!

don't make me laugh dude, you still want to be a doctor...
Will you be in these ranks when they slander and humiliate you, making you a scapegoat, laughing behind your back, bargaining with you like some kind of broker, not accepting your human feelings?


when you feel that life is meaningless, will you be able to feel that only you and you fill it with meaning?
Do you want to sit in the laboratory, inhaling the smell of creatinine and other detergents, coughing and choking, or treating your asthma or neurodermatitis in waves?


Will you also be loyal to the authorities and the law, people and the world, if you help many, but remain helpless in protecting your rights and even the taxi driver deceives you?
It seems to me that you don’t understand that if you really want to become a doctor, then prepare to take daily risks without any stakes, frankly speaking, the survival of your love for the profession


I would look you in the eye when at the funeral of an outstanding professor you will not care that he died, and you will feel sorry for the ladybug like your own mother, whom crushed in autoaccident yesterday?

so do you still want to be a doctor?
This means that we have something to talk about and at my leisure I can tell you that you are the person about whom the angels dream


Astana, july 2024

*Paint from Шедеврум