my innocent memories

hardly ever
did I write to you in English,
starting that formal,
with many inaccuracies
like this.

however
(I want to say that to you
in front of others,
want it so bad)
we’ve never been a mistake,
our friendship, and affection, and affinity,
and now,
sitting in front of an empty chair,
looking through my half full glass of wine,
without touching both
its edge and your soft hair,
I see it clear.

I steer clear
of my innocent memories.
I do this in vain
because the reality is that
I can’t do it,
I won’t shatter your glass of fantasies.
if only you knew
how many questions are frozen at my fingertips,
without becoming
letters or cues.

take half of my life away
just to give up the game
and admit that
I do miss you,
I do love you.
I am ready
to look at you silently.
after all,
nine times out of ten
I know the answers
to my questions about you,
and in the tenth
we don't need them.

(05.05.2024)