To peel a fruit

I gained a lot of weight while waiting for you
Maybe my body misses the way you hugged me
So it gently put fat around me
To remind how it felt

I would peel your fruits by my hands
I would volunteer
Pomegranate, tangerine
I would paint my dress in juice
Just for you

There's one mistake won't fly out of my head
I didn't learn your eyes
Please, could you tell the colors?
I'm probably late

Bought a ton of books in the past months
Don't even know why
Just so desperate to give you an impression
I read them all though
Incase you'll ask, incase you saw them

You know, wish I could be a mother by my choice
But I'm afraid, I can't
I crave love to give and get
But my family's ephemeral 

My mother never talked, preferred to hit
And father is somewhere
It's not a cry for help, it's not even a tear from my cheek
Yet, clearly you see pain

You know, my friend
I'm not here for the long ride
I'm here for quick race
Yet, you think it's sad

I do not see the beauty here
But find it beautiful to live
And life's just process into death
And yes, we feel it's harmful

Believe me,
Nothing's new here
Love, war, ignorance and violence
I see, you know
It's always been like that
And so, I can't be here for more time

Humanity is troubled
There's no sign of the light without the darkness
I see how we prefer to pair while suffering
Much harder on your own
But to think of you,
I know
If there will be the endless peace,
My hands still go your way
They want to peel and still get stained
My white dress will be red