Paid in full

They say we all are One
walking oneself home...
Well
That was not what I experienced,
That wasn't what I felt, seen and survived.
There is that truth too, sure,
But it didn't exist where I forgot it
No one walked me home
And damn did I want to go badly:
I pulled the trigger once, twice, more.
All alone in that dark desolate place
Where I was not one with all that is,
But where I was all alone
Abandoned by the One.
Falling and falling through the ocean
Of black withered rye
With no one to catch me
I couldn't catch me
Forgot I was worthy of it.
Yet here I am now... made it this far,
Welcomed myself closer to the fireplace,
Warmed myself up. I remember now
That fucking higher truth
But what about the blood-stained truth
Smelling like a cold grave
That I've lived?
Shut up about "that's the point",
You are right next to me in the grave
If you want to tell me this.
So I offer to those who also forgot and suffer
To sit near this fire
While I'm making you tea
And then
We can curse the Universe the fuck out
And cry
And then smile. Maybe.
Yes I can offer this —
I paid for it in full
With tears.


14.11.2023