Narcissistic demagogues will devour this country

Narcissistic demagogues will devour this country if we don't educate ourselves & vote
Story by LGBTQNation •
9/24/23
Democracy demands our personal responsibility to critically examine our politicians so we can make truly informed decisions.
Democracy demands our personal responsibility to critically examine our politicians so we can make truly informed decisions.
© Provided by LGBTQNation
According to Greek legend, a young man became fascinated, awestruck, and enraptured by his own image reflected on the surface of a pool. He sat lovingly gazing at the water’s edge for so long that he succumbed to his own vanity and eventually transformed into a flower that carries his name, Narcissus.

In the age of psychology, the American Psychiatric Association, in its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual II (DSM) from 1968 lists “Narcissism” as an emotional problem and “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” (NPD) with a number of characteristics.

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These include excessive preoccupation with personal competence, power, prestige, and vanity; difficulties in maintaining gratifying personal relationships; deficits in psychological self-awareness; severely impaired empathy for others; problems differentiating the self from others; hypersensitivity to all criticism and insults – imagined or real; arrogant body language; flattery toward people who admire or praise them; tendency toward bragging and exaggerating personal achievements and qualities; claiming expertise in a number of areas; and inability to view the world and issues from other peoples’ perspectives. In summary, this condition results in the over-inflation of one’s self-importance. 

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Narcissistic Personality Disorder falls within the overall category of “sociopathology,” in which a person’s antisocial behavior demonstrates a lack of a sense of moral concern or responsibility or a deficit of social conscience.

The American Psychiatric Association’s DSM classifies this condition as Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD), which it defines as “a pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood.”

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Psychologists diagnose individuals as having APD if they manifest three or more of these symptoms: repeatedly violating social norms related to established laws and performing acts that result in frequent arrests; deceitfulness, dishonesty, and lying; impulsivity; irritability and repeated aggressiveness; reckless disdain for personal safety or the safety of others; consistent irresponsibility in work settings and frequent failures in honoring financial commitments; or lacking a sense of remorse.

While in ancient Greece and Rome, a demagogue originally referred to a leader or orator who advocated for and championed the common people, the term has since come to represent a politician who, rather than employing rational arguments, appeals instead to people’s fears and prejudices for their own political gain.

When “we the people” (the demos in “democracy” rather than the demos in “demagogue”) step into the election booth, we must first fully vet the candidates and educate ourselves on the issues. During any era, narcissistic and other types of sociopaths use demagoguery to appeal to the electorate.

Related video: What Happens When A Narcissist Meets A Dark Empath (Dailymotion)

Therefore, democracy demands an educated electorate. It demands our personal responsibility to critically examine our politicians so we can make truly informed decisions. It demands of us all, as well, an appraisal into ourselves to understand our motives, our interests, and our weaknesses lest we fall for the stereotyping, the scapegoating, the calls to hatred, and the calls to violence, either directly or covertly, by the demagogues. 

As a student of history, I can name some of our U.S. presidents and some others in Congress whom I would consider in varying degrees as truly great moral and political leaders with soaring intellects, who served the people with honesty and integrity.

Others may have once held these qualities, but the process involved in obtaining an office compromised them to such an extent that they either left the political arena to preserve their integrity or they lowered their moral center of gravity to hold onto power.

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I never thought that I would examine the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association as my political guidebook, but within the political era over the past 7 years, I find it extremely useful, especially as I witness some figures so consumed with their own images, words, and needs, that they lose their human form and morph not into flowers, but rather, into dangerous demagogues who challenge and degrade our democratic system of government.

I am deeply concerned about our country’s ability to attract new and fresh talent, whom I believe may be the only ones who can rescue our nation from the political cynicism and malaise, and heal the political scars and deep divisions. Possibly the current crises have had the effect of motivating some to do exactly that.   

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Why Narcissists Behave Obnoxiously
Story by Darlene Lancer •
1d
Health Topics mentioned in this article

Health

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Laughing man in mirrors
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You can enjoy narcissistic symptoms when a narcissist is charming, charismatic, seductive, exciting, and engaging. But they can also act entitled, exploitative, arrogant, aggressive, cold, competitive, selfish, obnoxious, cruel, and vindictive. You can fall in love with their charming side and be destroyed by their dark side. It can be baffling, but it all makes sense when you understand what drives them. That awareness protects you from their games, lies, and manipulation.

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Narcissists have an impaired, undeveloped self. They think and function differently from other people, because of the way their brain is wired, whether due to nature or nurture.

The severity of narcissism varies. Some people have more narcissistic symptoms with greater intensity, while other narcissists have fewer, milder symptoms. The following discussion thus may not apply to all narcissists to the same degree.

Narcissistic Vulnerability
Despite having seemingly strong personalities, narcissists are actually very vulnerable. Psychotherapists consider them to be “fragile.” They suffer from profound alienation, emptiness, powerlessness, and lack of meaning. Due to their extreme vulnerability, they crave power and vigilantly must control their environment, people around them, and their feelings. Displays of vulnerable feelings, such as fear, shame, or sadness are intolerable signs of weakness both in themselves and others. Their defense system manifested in their narcissistic symptoms is discussed below. It protects them but hurts other people. When they feel most insecure, they’re more malicious and the impact of their actions is irrelevant.

Related video: What Happens When A Narcissist Meets A Dark Empath (Dailymotion)

Narcissistic Shame
Underneath their fa;ade is toxic shame, which may be unconscious. It accounts for most narcissistic symptoms. Shame makes narcissists feel insecure and inadequate;vulnerable feelings that they must deny to themselves and others. This is one reason that they can’t take criticism, responsibility, dissent, or negative feedback even when meant to be constructive. Instead, they demand unconditional, positive regard from others.

Arrogance
To compensate for feeling inferior, they maintain an attitude of superiority. They’re often arrogant, critical, and disdainful of other people, including entire groups they consider inferior, such as immigrants, a racial minority, a lower economic class, or people of less education. Like bullies, they put down others to raise themselves up.

Grandiosity
Their hidden shame accounts for their braggadocio and self-aggrandizement. They’re trying to convince themselves and others that they excel, that they’re uniquely special and the best, smartest, richest, most attractive, and most talented. This is also why narcissists gravitate toward celebrities and high-status people, schools, organizations, and other institutions. Being with the best convinces them they’re better than others, while internally, they’re not so sure.

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Entitlement
Narcissists feel entitled to get what they want from others regardless of their behavior. Their sense of entitlement masks their inner shame and insecurity. They convince themselves that they’re superior and it follows that they deserve special treatment. For example, their time is more valuable than others, and they shouldn’t have to wait in line like the masses. There is no limit on what they might expect from others. Interpersonal relationships are a one-way street, because other people are considered inferior and not separate from them (see below). They don’t recognize their behavior as hypocritical, because they feel superior and special. Rules for other people don’t apply to them. Relatives say that entitlement is the worst narcissistic symptom to live with.

Lack of Empathy
Narcissists’ ability to respond emotionally and express appropriate care and concern is significantly impaired. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, narcissists lack empathy. They’re “unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.” (APA, 2013) Research shows that they have structural abnormalities in brain regions associated with emotional empathy. (See “How to Tell if a Narcissist Loves You.”)

They may claim they love you, but you must determine whether you feel loved by the way they treat you. Real love requires empathy, compassion, and deep knowledge of the one we care for. We show active concern for that person’s life and growth. We try to understand their experience and world though it may differ from ours. If you haven’t experienced such genuine love or it was mixed with abuse, then you may not appreciate real love nor expect to be treated any better.

Without empathy, narcissists can be selfish, hurtful, and cold when it doesn’t serve them to be charming or cooperative. To them relationships are transactional. Rather than respond to feelings, they’re interested in getting their needs met;sometimes, even if it means exploiting others, cheating, lying, or breaking the law. Although they may feel excitement and passion in the early stages of a relationship, this is not love, but lust. They’re known for their game-playing. Sacrificing for a loved one isn’t in their playbook. Their lack of empathy also inures them to the pain that they cause others, while their cognitive, emotional intelligence gives them an edge in manipulating and exploiting others to get their needs met.

Emptiness
Narcissists lack a positive, emotional connection to themselves, making it difficult for them to emotionally connect with others. Their undeveloped self and deficient inner resources require them to be dependent on others for validation. Rather than confidence, they actually fear that they’re undesirable. They can only admire themselves as reflected in the eyes of others. Hence, despite their boasting and self-flattery, they crave attention and constant admiration. Because their sense of self is determined by what others think of them, they try to control what others think to feel better about themselves. They use relationships for self-enhancement and for their “narcissistic supply.” However, due to their inner emptiness, they’re never satisfied. Whatever you do for them is never enough to fill their emptiness. Like vampires who are dead inside, narcissists exploit and drain those around them.

Lack of Boundaries
Mythological Narcissus fell in love with his own image, as reflected in a pool of water. At first, he didn’t realize that it was himself. This metaphorically describes narcissists. Narcissists’ inner emptiness, shame, and undeveloped self make them uncertain of their boundaries. They don’t experience other people as separate individuals, but as two-dimensional, extensions of themselves, without feelings, since narcissists cannot empathize. Other people only exist to meet their needs. This explains why narcissists are selfish and oblivious to their impact on others, even when they’re cruel.

Narcissistic Defenses
It’s the defense mechanisms used by narcissists to protect their vulnerability that make relationships with narcissists so difficult. Common defenses they use are arrogance and contempt, denial, projection, aggression, and envy.

Arrogance and contempt
These defenses inflate a narcissist’s ego with an air of superiority to shield against unconscious feelings of inadequacy. It also shifts shame by projecting inferiority onto others.

Denial
Denial distorts reality so that a narcissist can live in an inflated bubble of their own fantasy world to protect their fragile ego. They distort, rationalize, twist facts, and delude themselves to avoid anything that may cause a chink in their armor, which is so thick, that to some narcissists, no amount of evidence or argument can get through.

Projection and blame
This defense enables unacceptable feelings, thoughts, or qualities to be disowned and mentally or verbally attributed to someone else. Blame shifts responsibility, so the narcissist is blameless. This defense serves the same function as denial. Projection is an unconscious process, whereby a narcissist doesn’t have to experience anything negative in him or herself, but sees it as external. Those traits are projected onto someone else or a group of people instead. You become the one who is selfish, weak, unlovable, or worthless. Projection is very crazy-making and damaging to the self-esteem of people close to a narcissist, especially children.

Aggression
Aggression is used to create safety by pushing people away. Narcissists see the world as hostile and threatening, and they move against people aggressively, both in word and behavior. This can lead to narcissistic abuse. Vindictive narcissists retaliate in order to reverse feelings of humiliation and restore their pride by defeating their offender.

Envy
Narcissists must be the best. They can’t take pleasure in someone else’s success. If someone else has what they want, it makes them feel inferior. Life is a zero-sum game. Competitive narcissists are not only envious of people who have what they want; they may react vengefully to bring them down, especially if they feel threatened. Narcissists are often envious and competitive with their children.

Understanding narcissistic symptoms and who you're dealing with is very helpful, but finding out what you can do is more important. See my other blogs on narcissism and confronting abuse. Try the exercises and strategies in Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist, which can give you clarity and be helpful in getting your needs met and evaluating whether to stay in the relationship. Email me if you'd like to join my mailing list and receive a "Checklist of Narcissistic Behaviors."

©Darlene Lancer 2019