I never wanted

You met me then that Monday out the gates, 3:42.
You're not much of a talker, so I'm asking about you.
And I thought it's the end, you didn't shake the hand I gave,
but as soon as you went home you asked, when will we meet again.

Now when I see your message on my phone
I ask myself, when I've done something wrong.

I never wanted to feel like this
I never wanted to lose my edge
You said you'll never get offended if I talk to somebody else
Being the back up plan hurts now much more than then
God knows it's worse than hell
I hope I'm worth this goddamn dime I'm throwing in this well
I never wanted to feel like this

I heard about these sweet girls, who get flowers every week
They don't have to cope with reluctances of their men they chose to be with
And I sit by my phone all day, trying to get done things I should do
But you'll say "just forget it" and "I swear I had no clue"

I never wanted to fix my heart
I never wanted to see it break
Pacing back and forth, fight with your ghost until you wake
You're kissing me on the street, than making me feeling less, than I ever used to feel
I saw this kind of story as some kind of fairytale
I never wanted to feel like this

I thought if there's someone you like - you try to be less cruel
I guess it works for everyone, but not when it comes to you
But if I'm not the one who gets your notice, your esteem
Why do you waste your time with me?
Why do you waste my tears?

Don't I deserve this love?
Don't I deserve these dreams?
I'm just trying to be enough, but I end up behind this midnight scenes
All that I know is bland, you don't think I'm excellent
I lost my confidence
I thought I'm kind of permanent, but I'm just a room to rent
I don't deserve this love

I heard about these women, who get plaudits and the praise
But you said "truth is sobering" and made me fall from grace
I bite my nails, the mirror shows the one I have to blame
Cause while you make your own plans I try to make it till the break of day

I never wanted to feel this weak
I never wanted to lose my charm
Cancel all the plans, miss all the aims just to fall down in your arms
You're talking yourself to sleep
When I've got nowhere to be
I guess I just don't deserve this gifts
I know everything is not what it might seem
I never wanted to be this weak

I heard about these women, who get long handwritten letters
I know you'll say "hold on" "just let me know, when it'll get better"
I heard about these girls, who get warmed by these blazing fires
You turn your phone off as I'm left unsaid
I wait for your goodbye

I never wanted to feel this sad
I never wanted to cry all night
Sending signals you would save me, run through this tunnel to switch on the light
Not being the one you want is tossing this knuckle bones
This likelihood is great
I never thought from all these years I've got this little just to take
I never wanted to feel this sad

I never wanted to feel like this
I never wanted to doubt my price, while you just live your life
When I'm not here you're still alright
You don't think I'm smart enough
You look at me from above
Just say I dramatize
If I say I don't give a damn, it'll be the cruelest lie

I never wanted to feel like this
I never wanted to feel this void
But fifteen days has came and passed since the last time you heard my voice
I'm counting up my mistakes, but I know you'd never care
There's always something I destroy
And in the room for best things I wouldn't be your choice
I never wanted to feel like this

I never wanted to feel like this
I never wanted to dim my light
You said you're gonna be okay, if someday I leave your side
I guess I'm not interesting
I don't have these little things you'd fall for this time
But what makes you align these waves, turn them to the straightest line?

You're talking yourself to sleep
You're talking to them but me
My heart is kind of frail...