Astronaut

My instincts that I'm turning down as a loud noise
For there's no way for me to change my choice;
In the outer space future comes to my eyes in the shape of duality
Like solar beams.
I deny everything dressed in reality
Because it's vital no more.

I'm falling down in the blackness of my disease
Feeling every touch of dark matter I breathe in
One breath and then Mercurian prospect turned to frozen lakes on Mars
Where my spirit's wandering among the clouds of dust.

The second breath hurts so much that my ego
Gets out of reach and touch
So that years spent on the distinct planets are no longer serene
And no one could say what does it mean.

I used to be an astronaut
Known in the beginning and unknown in the end
Too lost and desperate to pretend
My actions were pure because they repeated desires of my mind
But I was blind.

On the other planets I called distinct, no one and nothing were waiting for me;
What a shame to be so naive
They were as dead as rocks, as opaque as my grief
For the answers I came here, for the guiding light to investigate the universe
But all I see is dust and deadly shapes. Is it a curse?

The further I fly, the weaker my body feels
I'm falling deeper and deeper in the sticky nets of my disease
And no one is calling for me to return me home.
All I see is the cold space, frozen planets and me
Still alone.