Misery

With a deep appreciation for my dear teacher Derene being so kind to me and full of patience marking early pieces of my writing
___

It was supposed to be the anticipated final.
The bottom, getting where I thought I would becalm,
appreciating place were truly i belong to -
the cozy lonely dead end of my life.

And in some terms it would be if it was
another case of the severe addiction
that can be gradually treated with giving up on love,
Or with oblivion, escape, the faulty soul excision

However It became an irritating fishhook
lodged deep into the throat,
        a perfect hit, a physical impact.
Now being the months and thousands miles away
        from everything that happened
I feel It bleeds, it hurts, like on the day we part.

I clearly feel the illusional presence
  Of her with every cell of as in fever trembling me
In lust for drowning in the sweetest cuddle,
To touch, to merge, to drink, and breathe her in.

I crave to watch the moves and listen to the voice
But feign I'm glad that now there's none of these around.
Cuz nothing have i kept, save pictures stuck in mind
The thirst for her and wish this all could be avoid.

Not only is this world without her dully incomplete
But filled with utter scorn for me unspoken loud
Because of me being weak and her BEING really there
With tenderness, with love that blesses all but me.

I've found finally what wasn't able being
To find trough all my living history
the sorrowful redundancy of me being here,
The meaningless, despair, the helpless misery.