Christmas on K. bridge. 6. Warriors of Light

“TALES OF GHOSTS”

about Love and Death from the Land of Mists
a collection of short stories
in the “Playing Another Reality” series

"CHRISTMAS on KUZNETSKY BRIDGE"

6. SINGERS, or WARRIORS of LIGHT

Alla was fourteen. She liked to sit on the windowsill and look at the night sky, pondering the Universe in search of answers to the question: what was there, beyond the line, after life? Ten years ago, her parents had gone to sea and never returned, the wreckage of the yacht was found, their bodies were not, they had probably been caught in the tornado. Anyway, Alla was even glad of no funeral, her parents would remain in memory as forever alive. Besides, for some years, together with her friend Ella, the girl had attended the parish Sunday school, where she realized the non-existence of death with all her being.

Grandparents were watching TV, Alla was humming something under her breath and strumming the guitar, when the phone rang. Ella came back! Ella, Alla’s closest friend, a girl with cat-like green eyes, lived with her mother, stepfather and younger half-sister. Ella was a year older than Alla, and, having entered a medical college, she had left for the village for the rest of that summer. Alla spent the summer relaxing at her granny’s dacha in the country to continue since September her studies at school, after graduation of which she was going to enter the University.

The girls met and went towards the park, sharing the latest news with each other.

“I can’t imagine school without you now!” Alla sighed. “And why are you so depressed?”

“I’m scared,” Ella admitted. “You see, every summer, my mother is always with us, and now she restarts to work the shift and leave us at night. And the stepfather… well, I’m scared to be alone at home with him. He looks at me the way like that…”

“Maybe you are just imagining…”

“I am not!”

“Tell your mom!”

“Yes, of course, she will surely believe me! Ha-ha! You know, lately I’ve been thinking about God, asking myself questions and… I can’t find answers. I go to church to confess and take communion. Priests smile at my sins. I feel good in church, my soul is calm there. But sometimes it seems to me that there is no God, and there is nothing after death either…”

“Come on! I often feel my parents come to visit me. I don’t see them, but I know that they are right here, very close. And they come to me in dreams also! Life doesn’t end with a funeral! It’s just that no one is able to contain even one Galaxy, to know its structure and design. What a Great Power rules the Universe! Do you think we are born to die? Unbelievable! Imagine: a person is talking to you, thinking, reasoning, and suddenly, in a second, he is gone dead. Where did his thinking Self, his consciousness, go? No, Ella, I don’t want to believe that consciousness is fading forever. It can’t be so, not everything disappears with the physical body. God exists, at least because I feel that way.”

“Well, why does God send troubles to people? Why did he take your parents away?”

“How do you know who sends troubles and who took my parents away?” Alla darkened. “Probably, it was the Devil!”

“So it turns out that the Devil is stronger than God,” Ella sighed.

***

The next day the girlfriends came to the cathedral to confirm that they would continue their studies at Sunday school.

In the huge cathedral, candles were burning by a multitude of ancient icons, people were leaving for home after the liturgy, a choir of adults was conferring on the right balcony, and a dead man in coffin was brought to the crucifix on the left to be served. A bum, begging for alms, approached Ella.

“You’re going to be an angel,” muttered the bum and added, “soon!”

The girls looked at each other, the bum instantly disappeared. They placed their candles and went out through the left door into the street, where the children were already crowded, waiting for registration to Sunday school.

The first lesson was scheduled for the second Sunday in September, and the choir rehearsals began on the first Saturday. Rehearsals were held in a two-story building next to the cathedral, in the refectory, while classes were held on the second floor of the cathedral itself, in a small room of the bell tower.

When Alla first entered the refectory, she was amazed: multi-colored stained-glass windows, a gigantic, stunningly beautiful carpet on the floor, a golden satin fabric on the walls, ancient armchairs, a very big icon of the Virgin Mary with a burning lamp in the left corner and a massive table with a white tablecloth in front, moreover, from the painted ceiling, the faces of children with wings, some of them smiling, while others crying, looked out of the fluffy clouds.

Each pupil was given two sets of church clothes, the text of the Divine Liturgy and textbooks, including a Church Slavonic dictionary.

Far from everyone was selected to sing at liturgies in the cathedral, but Ella and Alla, an impeccable first soprano, always sang on holidays and on the eve, although in the children’s choir, on the solea at the left altar gate.

Irina Viktorovna, a singer from the adult choir and a children’s choir teacher, was very kind and polite. If she heard someone falsely, she never cursed or shouted, she explained with a smile what was wrong. However, her main virtue was that she taught not just to sing words, but to feel prayer in the soul and transmit it in sounds.

Alla understood the teacher, since it was often impossible to express feelings in words, and a prayer in the soul was made without words. Approaching the icons, Alla didn’t ask for something specific from a particular Saint, but, turning to Heaven, she strove for the Light so that everything bad would remain in the past, evil would bypass, and all the good would be attracted.

When Alla sang in the cathedral on the solea during the liturgy, she felt her soul going out, turning into sounds and merging with the Invisible and Eternal, called God. Her consciousness, wrapped in a misty haze of incense and enchanted by prayers, at such moments was not subject to earthly thoughts, having left the physical body, ceasing to feel it in exchange for the absolute tranquility and joy of the soul.

Trying to comprehend the texts of the sacred writings, imbued with centuries of Wisdom, but scrupulously encrypted by the sister of talent, Brevity, Alla unconditionally believed that Christ had really existed on Earth and had been head above mere mortals. He helped others and knew to forgive, believed in eternal life and found it at the Resurrection. Christ knew not only the laws listed in the Ten Commandments, but also the secrets of the Universe, which were still behind the scenes.

“I wish I could meet Him and talk!” Alla thought. Her inquisitive mind no longer had enough of church books and evasive answers of priests.

***

That day, during the lesson “the History of the Russian Orthodox Church”, the door opened, and Irina Viktorovna appeared. Smiling as always, she apologized for the interruption and announced the names of ten singers, including Ella and Alla, to come to the refectory after the lesson, because on Saturday evening they would sing at the liturgy, served by the Patriarch Alexy the 2nd himself!

Alla’s soul trembled at the up-coming, they were trusted to sing to the Patriarch!

***

Saturday was a frosty October day. Ella and Alla entered the church dressing room on the ground floor of the refectory. Each of the Sunday School pupils had their own hanger and two sets of church clothes: for holiday liturgies, girls had a thin white dress to the toes with long sleeves, all in ruffles and frills, and for the ordinary ones, a black skirt to the toes and a white shirt. The refectory with the dressing room was almost opposite the side door of the cathedral, located at the left altar gate, where the children’s choir sang on the solea. It was not a special feat to run from the dressing room to the choir room without outerwear.

It was getting colder and darker. All ten chosen ones of the children’s choir had already gathered in the refectory. Irina Viktorovna gave each of them a carnation to present to the Patriarch.

Five minutes before the appointed time, the delegation of white dresses, headed by Irina Viktorovna, left the refectory, but … instead of going to the saving side door of the cathedral, they went towards the main entrance, and the parishioners watched in amazement the excited angels flying by.

That evening all the priests were fussing and rushing back and forth, exchanging just a couple of words with each other. Finally, the carpet ran from the altar to the main entrance, crawled out onto the stairs and went down to warm the chilled cobblestone pavement in front of the cathedral.

The ‘angels’ were placed on both sides of the carpet right on the open air behind the priests, the rows of parishioners and curious passers-by lined up further. Everyone eagerly awaited the appearance of the ‘eleven paces long’ black car, as someone in the crowd had claimed, but it stubbornly didn’t appear.

Soon the girls began shivering from the cold, and people in the crowd threw their scarves over them and even donated jackets. Alla shifted her gaze to the already turned on lantern and noticed snowflakes spinning in the light, it was snowing for the first time that year…

Ella’s eyes were turned to the sky.

Alla had no time to object, since the crowd stirred, the Patriarch’s car appeared in the distance. Soon the limousine stopped so that the back door, from which the Patriarch came out, was right at the beginning of the red carpet.

The cameras of journalists clicked, the numerous TV operators switched on their ones. The rector of the cathedral greeted the Patriarch, then all the clergy came for a blessing. Alexy the 2nd took a step forward, and it was the turn of the ‘angels’, they held out frozen carnations and got blessed.

“The same as in the photos – white cap, blue intelligent eyes…” thought Alla.

The picture of the first meeting with the Patriarch – white dresses to the toes, ‘crystal’ carnations against the background of the night sky, shining stars and swirling snowflakes in the light of a street lanterns – would remain magic for Alla, inexpressible in words, forever, and would hardly fade into oblivion like TV videos and journalists’ photos, that had such a short expiration date.

The girls ran to the solea. Irina Viktorovna was more worried than ever, because it was a premiere, the children choir performance in front of the Patriarch, during the entire liturgy without any support of the adult choir, in the main cathedral of the country!

Alla was afraid to sing something wrong and let Irina Viktorovna down, but the presence of the cold-blooded Ella was somewhat reassuring. The girls started timidly, however, the excitement passed soon, and long life wishes of “Many years” sounded impressive.

The most important ‘gift’ was waiting for Alla after the liturgy. Irina Viktorovna said that the next day, on Sunday, during the liturgy, which again would be served by Alexy the 2nd, Ella and Alla, together, would perform one of the chants in two voices, coming out on the central solea directly opposite the entrance to the altar!

The girls were on their way home.

“Incredible! This is some magic!!!” Alla whispered, still not believing what was happening, but Ella, immersed in her own thoughts, hardly crawled out to talk.

“Have you finally found what you’ve been missing?” she asked.

“And you have not?”

“What does the faith give? Or God?”

“It’s strange for a singer like you to ask me about it,” Alla sighed. “The faith in God, or not in God, but in something Eternal and Good, the Highest, as well as the hope for the Light and the Forces of Light help, are necessary for a person.”

“I become more and more convinced that He doesn’t exist. Today, for example, innocent carnations were killed, and God didn’t even resist. By the way, that happened in His eparchy, or rather, in His own house, in church!”

“The church calls everyone to do good, forgive and love one’s neighbor, not in words, but in deeds. God is everything good and perfect, gathered into a single whole. Aspiring to God means to improve yourself, then our world will automatically change for the better. No? However, people see specks in everyone, except for themselves.”

“No, Alla. It changes nothing. And that’s the problem.”

“It changes. Everything can be lost, but if you hope and believe, you will never lose yourself! Sooner or later everyone will be rewarded.”

“Regardless of one’s faith. As the priest, teacher of History, said, ‘You must not ask whether one believes in God. Don’t judge by one’s faith and words, you have to look at one’s deeds’!”

“I agree. Faith is the guiding thread, and hope is the staff. It’s more difficult to walk without the staff. And without faith, it’s easy to get lost on the way.”

“Beautiful words! But… they are far from the truth of life. You know my mother. She doesn’t care about me. Nobody needs me, I just prevent her from enjoying life. Or rather, if I were gone, my mother’s life would be easier. Yesterday we had another scandal, everything is wrong for her! It started with nothing and ended with the words that I could live on the street and never come back. Stepfather agreed with her, looking at me and licking! There is nowhere to go. Do you suggest that I become a bum? I don’t see my future. If God exists, He left me.”

“Live with us. Do you want me to ask my…?”

“What are you talking about? Mother will find it out, and my life will be completely unbearable. Okay, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to spoil your mood.”

***

The next day, Ella and Alla, in a pillar of Light, pouring on them from the upper right window, superbly performed a two-voice solo on the central solea, right under the dome of the cathedral, opposite the open gates to the altar where the Patriarch was serving.

After the liturgy, Irina Viktorovna admitted that she had almost burst into tears during their singing from the feeling of something Great and Divine, overwhelming her soul, and that on Easter she would apply for the transfer of Ella and Alla to the adult choir.

***

Ella returned to the cathedral almost at midnight. She told the guard that she had lost her keys. Of course, the old man recognized her, therefore, with a doomed sigh, he opened the cathedral, gave out a pocket flashlight so as not to attract attention by the usual lighting and then retired to the gatehouse.

The faces of the Saints were cold. And when Ella touched the icons with her lips, and when she looked into their eyes, and when she crossed herself, she didn’t feel anything.

Then she went to the closed altar gates and mentally asked, “God, are you sleeping? What about me? You don’t care, do you?”

Ella looked around helplessly. No one. She even felt frightened in the majestic silence of the extinguished lamps and the absence of lit candles – the cathedral, immersed in darkness, seemed to have been secretly captured by the Dark Forces. And she wanted to shout for at least one of the Saints to appear, but she didn’t have time, since someone took her by the hand!

Ella turned around and saw a small, hunched-over old woman in black, appeared out of nowhere in front of her. The wrinkled face, hooked nose and twinkling eyes reminded Ella of a witch from fairy tales. The gaze of the old woman paralyzed the girl, she couldn’t move.

“You can’t escape your fate, baby!” muttered the old woman. “Get over it and out of here! It’s not the place for you!”

The old woman disappeared into the depths of the gloomy cathedral as suddenly as she had appeared. Ella rushed out, knocked on the guard’s window to let him close the doors, and walked away.

***

Alla called Ella, as usual, to go to the liturgy together.

“No more Ella,” the stepfather answered to the phone in a non-standard way.

“What do you mean? Does she no longer live with you?” Alla asked.

“She doesn’t live with anyone else. She died.”

“Why? How?”

“Foolishly!”

Alla froze in a daze. Ella’s stepfather waited a bit and hung up.

Alla slowly sank to the floor. Thoughts of her own guilt in the death of Ella instantly took root and sprouted in her heart. Not saving one meant to kill one, didn’t it?

In the evening, Alla wandered dumbly through the streets in a sudden snowfall and couldn’t understand, why God had allowed her friend to die. She consoled herself with only one thing: God knew better, He knew something that neither Alla nor Ella did. And then… Ella should give her a sign, send greetings from the Other World, confirm that the soul didn’t die with the body!

Suddenly, someone called out Alla, she turned around and saw a young man.

“Are you Alla?” he asked.

“Yes,” she nodded, not understanding anything.

“Don’t be afraid, I’m Roman. I saw you on the solea in the cathedral, you sing in the children’s choir of Irina Viktorovna, right?”

“Yes,” Alla replied, surprised at what was going on.

“I sing too, upstairs, in the adult choir. I had a strange dream today. As if the girl from the lower choir, with whom you both sang at the Patriarch’s liturgy, asked me to tell you that it was not your fault. I was going to find you next weekend at liturgy, and I just ran into you right now!”

***

The Palm Sunday Eve liturgy was one of Alla’s favorites. As before, she sang solo in the lower children’s choir, and a week later, on Easter, at the request of Irina Viktorovna for a raise upstairs, she planned to join the adult choir.

The parishioners raised the willow and swung it over their heads, greeting the Savior, who was entering Jerusalem. The Patriarch began to sprinkle holy water on the willow, and Alla’s eyes met Katya, an almost holy girl. Katya had been singing in the children’s choir for a long time, but that liturgy for some reason she was in the crowd of parishioners with the blessed willow.

Everything was perfect in Katya: beautiful, healthy, the daughter of rich parents who dressed her like a doll. Katya didn’t miss a single Sunday liturgy and prayed so fervently that all her prayers must have been answered immediately. The only thing that God deprived her of was …an ear for music, however, Irina Viktorovna couldn’t refuse the priest’s daughter and accepted her into the children’s choir so that at least she could stand on the solea next to the singers, just opening her mouth from time to time.

After the liturgy, at the icon “Seeking the Dead”, Alla accidentally ran into Katya, who blushed for some reason.

“Hi! Why haven’t you been with us today?” Alla asked.

“I won’t sing with you anymore,” Katya said quietly and, looking down, added, “you have sung a wonderful solo today…”

Already at the exit from the cathedral, Irina Viktorovna caught Alla.

“Here are you! Wait, Alla… Look… I… I’m… sorry… Forgive me, please…”

“What’s happened?” not understanding why Irina Viktorovna was suddenly so excited and not smiling at all, Alla wondered.

“You know, I asked to transfer you to the adult choir, and everyone was in favor… But… Katya… You know her father, and there was only one place… They admitted her even without an audition, you see… I am awfully sorry, Alla! Don’t get upset! You sing to the Patriarch himself! And he likes the way you sing! At Christmas time we plan a tour to America, and you’ll be the first to go there! Forgive them, Alla! Forgive me! But it means that God needs your voice here, with me, on the solea, really! God sees and knows everything! He…”

Alla silently hugged the already crying Irina Viktorovna and left the cathedral just as silently.

***

Touring in America with an Orthodox church choir, who would have thought! However, Alla liked neither cities with skyscrapers, nor the American lifestyle. It was something innate, inexplicable, perhaps inherited from her grandparents … or from some past incarnations? She didn’t feel like going to America at all.

At the last moment, Alla tried to replace herself with the very same Katya, the priest’s daughter, but she flew to Israel for Christmas with her parents. Besides, Irina Viktorovna begged Alla almost on her knees, since three of ten choristers suddenly had got the flu, and the fourth had broken his leg. Alla’s refusal meant to let Irina Viktorovna down, and the girl gave up.

In the minibus, booked for the delegation from the cathedral to the airport, Roman from the adult choir sat next to Alla. He replaced the boy with the broken leg. Alla told Roman about Ella and confessed that sometimes she felt her friend nearby.

“Ella must have become an angel!” assured Roman. “God left you for life on Earth, and Ella is now whispering to make you friends with me!”

Alla smiled, but had no time to answer because of the sharp blow from the collision of their minibus with a huge truck that flew out of the oncoming lane…

***

In the cathedral by the icon “Seeking the Dead” there were two ghosts, Ella and Alla, as if waiting for someone.

“They’re coming, look!” Ella whispered.

Her mother and stepfather approached the icon. The stepfather lit a candle and put it in the candlestick.

Ella, not without difficulty, took the candle out of the candlestick, lifted it 15–20 centimeters up, and then, in front of her parents seized with horror, blew it out, carried through the air and placed it in a box with candle stubs on the floor nearby.

“Yes, I’m alive! Alive!” she shouted.

Ella’s stepfather grabbed the hand of his wife, speechless from what she had seen, and led her away.

“Is that allowed? To make the tricks?” Alla was surprised, but immediately tried to do the same with another burning candle in the candlestick… in vain!

“Of course not! But… nostalgia sometimes comes up… I miss everything dense. Besides, I’ve been practicing the trick for so long that I could show it once!” Ella smiled.

Roman with a scroll appeared by the icon.

“Hello, warriors of Light! The Dark Forces don’t sleep! Let’s not relax so that they don’t say on Earth that the Devil is stronger than God! So here are our tasks for today…”

December 07, 1991