The salvation of Christianity

The Roman ambassador, in Judea
was secretely called "I - government", and was living in
the temple that was located in the holy city. He was a proud
"single" and a "virgin" that never slept with any women.
He was a wanker, that sexually was disappointing. One Judean
left winger, a father of a woman, decided to "help him"
and to give birth to his son, so he won't disappoint anymore.
He told his daughter his secret nickname, "I=gov", and asked
her to seduce him, by flattery, and then when he will wank
off, to collect his sperm and fertilize herself. She started
to hornify the ambassador, and after a few days of flattery
the ambassador "broke" and exited his temple, and wanked
off. She took his sperm and put in herself. Eventually a
son was born, however, the father of the woman, was concerned
that he will be punished, because the boy was born without
the ambassador awareness, and he decided to conceal the
boy, and the story of his birth. They made a circumcision,
and told that the boy was just a "Jewish" bastard. Gradually
he started rebelling, and said that there is a real "God",
and a "False God". "God" is goverment, and government make
prophecy of the "future", however not all prophecies come
true, and the "disappointing government" is the "false God",
and the governement which truely predicts the future, is
the "true God". Cheasus was not aware that "God is Government",
which are just extalling and "play god", however he talked
in favor of his father, the ambassador. The Judean government
decided to get rid of the young man who call them "false
god", and prove that if they predict his crucifiction, "it
happens". He is only a Jew, and nothing will prevent his
death, thought the Judean government, the Senedryon. The
crucifiction was to find the bastard's real father, and
he will be insulted by the crucifiction of his boy, even
if he is not aware of his existence. Father and child are
emotionally connected, and that is why, usually, the circumcision
was made to make sure the buy belongs to the supposed father.
He is affected by the son's pain. When Jesus was crucified,
the person who was found to be his father was the ambassador,
"I=gov". And the soldiers were predicting the only possible
future as a result: the destruction of Judea. The Governor,
Pontius Pilatus, was meeting the ambassador, and the ambassador
said: "Something is hitting me, who is on the cross?" -A
bastard, Nazaretty. -Put him off the cross, said the ambassador,
and Pontius ordered such way. The soldiers released Jesus
and said "go and don't return". The ambassador said: "I
was releived, however, I dont want any more prayers of this
province. It seems like they bless me, and curse me, and
I don't want my poison to be sweetened"."Tell them to put
statues in the temple, because everybody knows that God
is human, and "not made of stone". And pontius ordered to
put statues in the temple. "What?! Statues?! said the Jews,
it means that the Romans don't want our prayers! It means
war will be! Cuz of cource God is a human, and not a "statue".
Let's start the war first, and such way we will harm the
Kaiser's feelings, and he might die and then the bigger
war will be prevented. And attacked the small Roman force
that was settled near the holy city. Pontius and the ambassador,
escaped to Rome, by sea. Cheasus, met his students, and
said, "I proved that I am son of God, however the false
god is still hunting me, and thus I can't accompany you
anymore, and leaving to live. And then the students said:
"You wasted our time, and you are son of God. You wont get
rid of us so fast, we will testify about you in a book.
Jesus went away and the students wrote a book about him,
"the new testimony". They also were hunted by the false
Judean government, and so, escaped north, to the Byzantic
Empire. The ambassador, was having nightmares, and the reason
for that was unknown. The kings of all the empires wanted
to solve the mystery of the ambassador's nightmares, and
the Byzantian King met the Jeasus students and read their
book. They told that in Judea there is a special young man,
who is "son of God" and even escaped the cross. The Byzantian
King said, it is good information, and went to the Roman
empyre to tell the ambassador the story. He said: "Listen,
the salvation of the nightmares is a such. In Judea you
have a boy, and the the boy was crucified." -"But I am a
virgin. I did not sleep with any woman", said the ambassador.
"Remember well, said the Byzantian King, if you accidently
wanked off outside of the residence, because there are children
that are born of masturbation. And the ambassador said:
"Yes, once. I went off the temple because I was so horny,
and wanked off outside...And what?! Some bitch collected
my sperm and gave birth to a boy?! And then they crucified
him?! NOW!!!!Gather the legion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Conquer the
Judea and destroy that province!!!!!!!!!!And bring me my
boy!!!!! And by the way, tell him to sit on a donkey, because
I was very horny when I wanked off that time. And then Judea
was conquered. And Jesus was found in one of the villages,
and was told by a soldier: "You, son of God, your father,
the ambassador, wants to meet you. Sit on a donkey and ride
with us to Rome". And then he met his father, who was already
98, and Jeasus was 67. The ambassador said: "You, I was
imagining you all my life. You were born because I wanked
off and that is why I told that you have to ride the donkey
to meet me. However, I have sons that were born after sex,
and they are like horses. And then Jesus went to meet his
brothers. "The horses".