i once was breathing and alive

and i see evil, and hear cries, and pitiful i run away
since everyone eats everyone and no one here can be helped
i once was breathing and alive, but did not make it to the dawn
the soul's dark from God's sting bites,
the hand is light but cross too strong

i carry my own fault in dreams, and, renegade and wretch myself,
like leafless tree in forest deep, both fear and pity fellow men
i once was breathing and alive, but did not make it to the dawn
the soul's dark from God's sting bites,
 the hand is light but cross too strong

Lord's whip is lashing me all days, and flesh is bending under yoke
i neither can complete the task, nor overcome the nightly stroke
i once was breathing and alive, but did not make it to the dawn
the soul's dark from God's sting bites,
the hand is light but cross too strong


and there were most wonderful words, but it's not mine to speak them out
and as if dead my head has grown, and long ago my heart has died
i once was breathing and alive, but did not make it to the dawn
the soul's dark from God's sting bites,
 the hand is light but cross too strong

i caused the trouble and the pain, and God had balked away from me
and squashed me mightily like moth, so i could no more plead with Him
i once was breathing and alive, but did not make it to the dawn
the soul's dark from God's sting bites,
the hand is light but cross too strong



"Я жил когда-то и дышал", Юрий Данилов/сл. Борис Чичибабин

И вижу зло, и слышу плач, и убегаю, жалкий, прочь,
раз каждый каждому палач и никому нельзя помочь.

Я жил когда-то и дышал, но до рассвета не дошел.
Темно в душе от Божьих жал, хоть горсть легка, да крест тяжел.

Во сне вину мою несу и — сам отступник и злодей —
безлистым деревом в лесу жалею и боюсь людей.

Меня сечет Господня плеть, и под ярмом горбится плоть, —
и ноши не преодолеть, и ночи не перебороть.

И были дивные слова, да мне сказать их не дано,
и помертвела голова, и сердце умерло давно.

Я причинял беду и боль, и от меня отпрянул Бог
и раздавил меня, как моль, чтоб я взывать к нему не мог.