What if...

I’ve never met you, but my thoughts are sliding
into a realm where I visualize
your image now with my mind gliding,
enchanted to withdraw and fantasize.

Your smile on the photo brews a promise
of something that potentially is hot,
and lovely on the phone is your voice -
it makes my thoughts entangled in a knot.

Oh, paradox: my peace is gone – how strange! -
when both - you voice and your smile – exhume
peace only. A longing for a change
does suddenly my whole day consume.

I’m going in circles, meditating,
as if my freedom now is disowned:
What do you think? What am I in your rating?
What if you like me? Or perhaps, you don’t?

What if you are not what I dream about?
What if you are the one who can dispel
my fear, my reluctance, and my doubt,
where this could lead us, who can truly tell?

What if I like you more than just a stranger?
What if I don't? Would I be then sad?
What if I fall for you, despite the danger
to lose my head? What if I go mad?

Have I not just recovered from my trouble?
Enough of pain! I'm free at last.
But why among my life's scattered rubble
this hope in the wreckage like a mast?

I’m human, yes. My body and my mind
seek earthly things, and yet my soul dreams
about love from heaven – patient, kind,
which surfaced in my fantasies and gleams.

I have it anyway - in Christ I’m whole.
And yet, my heart is seeking this on earth -
a man, who can excite me and console,
and tell me that I am his life’s worth.

A union between the Earth and Heaven,
this reverie – who can such dreams implant?
I’m left to question, wondering and craving:
what if you are the one? What if you aren’t?

Why to a man I'd wish my heart to bind?
Though life on my own can be tough,
yet, a small voice whispers in my mind,
when Jesus tells me: "Am I not enough?"

30.12.2013- 12.03.2021