Humor. Besieged

The lighter side of pundemic

We are alive when we are laughing. It helps us cope with the stress
Who laughs together, stays together. Through jest the fear we address
Push to absurd the life’s locked stillness and make domestic chores a farce
When one goes nuts inside the house, grotesque helps save this little arse

Entire world became Las Vegas. Do you still know what day it is? The cash all gone.
But no one cares. We booze, don’t work. Yet life goes on
To all, whose travel plans were canceled. Make big impression, send the tweet
Exotic land below the wing tip, looks great when shot through toilet seat

Bid farewell to good old saying ‘I got to run’, to end the call
Who would believe you, little liar? There is no place to go at all
Remote work, a video meeting. Is there something you can screw?
A secret lover, running naked, so to delight entire crew

You’d never guess, it’s very funny. It isn’t something you can hide
One eats a bat in distant China - and we get free Pornhub, worldwide
They cast a brand new, shiny quarter, at U.S. Mint, without much glow 
It features bat, the dreaded rodent. Last year, how did they know?

Oh, look at lazy little bastard. No work, at home, his life maligned
How things have changed since last year! He’s now a savior of mankind
If someone hides, owes you much money, evading one at every turn
These days you know. His time spent home. The bigger odds at quick return

The germ is pushing southern neighbor to build the wall of their own
They want our money, not sick people, to venture into their zone
‘Corona Beer’, fine product, but virus dragged it through the dirt
Renaming planned. ‘Ebola beer’? We shall remain on full alert

We surely notice fewer selfies. From beauties who made crowds rant
Their beauty salons staying closed. No money there to be spent
What’s not to give your wife or girlfriend? You know, this year it’s lipstick
You want have sex without condom? But keep the mask on, don’t get sick

Newspapers full of troubled stories. Police discovers fitness den.
For a secret barber. Toilet paper. Suspect wants haircut now and then.
Remember girl named Greta Thunberg? She asked the world to stop all flights
No school for kids she also wanted. She must have had some deep insights

You join your wife of 15 years. Smart, charming, witty as they get
And sit at breakfast, laughing silly. Wow, we have never met
They canceled year 20-20. Plan trips exciting, vroom-vroom-vroom
So choose, with spots galore awaiting. It’s bedroom, kitchen, living room

We don’t work and burglars aren’t, demand a healthy monthly check
The government may grant this craving. Their business is in total wreck
On video, fat stack of dollars, with Ben - who else, in fair trade
A roll of paper, sanitizer. Covert exchange quickly made

What should you do, so no face touching? The answer: Beers in both hands
Corona Virus won't be lasting... Was made in China, humor fans
And here’s ironic sort of find: those flipping burgers still have work
Eat steak on Monday, ramen – Wednesday, by weekend - clover leafs, you jerk.

Cat wonders who’s now living in her house. Menagerie in your driveway
There’s wild cougar in your backyard, for flowers goats make a play
Can’t tell your wife “when I have time”. Have baby-zoomers on the way
And every joke is inside joke, for quarantiners, wouldn’t you say?

The quarantine is growing me old. Alone. I met and talked to spider
He’s a really groovy guy. Like me. Moonlights as web designer
Now, children, who can tell, why mask is worn by mommy?
No, not the virus. Faulty guess. It’s so I eat less, dummy!

“Drink Lysol” was a lousy caper. Please don’t do it, Mr. Trump
As oil drops below zero, we shouldn’t be paying at the pump
Regret, as pigeons cannot shit on people who don’t walk the urban sprawl
Covidiots wiping whisky bottles with pure grain alcohol

Big airlines are in trouble. No flights, they’re seeking your support
Ah, bag that weighs a pound over? Sucked dry, at any airport
Hey, ladies, be on high alert. We have a story, brother
Masked girl went shopping with one man and came home with another

It is a madhouse out there. The fart now covers cough or sneeze
We laugh in anger and frustration, at former lives, to ease unease
We grin and giggle, shriek and snicker, at all what’s wrong with us today
But day shall come, when all this racket, as norm returns, will fade away


Disclaimer: The author declares no ownership to this buffoonery, he merely reflects on what is found elsewhere

May 3, 2020
New York, USA
© 2020 by Edward Kritsky