A truth about me - 5 paragraph essay

Well, my name is Yiihn, and I am 93 years old. My doltish friends like kidding at me often calling me "old fart". I don't pay much attention to their stupid witticisms, since, not like them, I am really young, very smart, tall and handsome, rather modest but sometimes a bit shy, what, I believe, cannot belittle my manifold incontrovertible merits.

I really hate filling in forms, questionnaires, writing self-presentations... well, you know. Then, not to be boring too much, I am going to be as short and precise as possible. First, probably, you would like to know what I look like, what is my life and what I like to do (and to eat).

It's o'k. I like bikes, loud rock music, weed, break-dance, red sport-cars, Scotch whiskey, surfing, gambles of different sorts, demonstrating my effective strong body, and many more clever things a cool dude like me does. But best of all, no surprise, I love pretty young babes. It makes me mad seeing them in a gym or on a beach in provocative bright and tight nano bikinis, tan, sexy, laughing, playing and teasing with tough boobs and bums.

Pity, all they seem to be just silly cuckoos since they don't even notice me at all. Am I an invisible man? I bet, no. Yesterday I looked at the mirror and guess, what I saw? There was there a nice guy with a noble face, bearing elegant huge glasses with thick lenses and heavy black frame, with an accurate gray haircut and a wide communicable grin, glistening with a handful of steel teeth. No, I definitely was not looking invisible. Moreover, I saw a classic model for the "Iron Man".

And now tell me, please, aren't they blind or stupid, or both? But then common sense tells me with silent voice: "They are just scared half to death because they've never met such a real man like you. But it also is very likely they just have a hazy guess you are a Martian"