Breath of Early Hour Dew Дыхание ранней росы

Breath of Early Hour Dew

Having collided with reality, the flow of time scattered these lines under the windows of the Cardiosurgery and Resuscitation Unit of Khmelnitsk Town Hospital. They have been picked up and put together by the author.

In blessed memory of my Mother,
Svishevskaya Valentina Antonovna

I.
1. The earthly — to the earthly ones:
2. their transgressions are
3. in lacerated being.
4. And no time to look up
5. and there’s None to do it.

II.
6. The Prophets slip
7. unseen
8. between the flows of time,
9. from time to time touching
10.                Those Waiting,
11. exciting doubts
12. and hopes
13. in their souls.   

III.
14. The unrecognised soul
15.                now sees the light: 
16. in a crowd of those able to see 
17. it can be recognized
18.                only
19. by a kindred soul. 

IV.
20. I’m not jealous of
21. him who runs into the distance
22. along a wide road:
23. he is blind,
24. for he does not see
25.                the guide.

V.
26. It’s no good
27. to overstay
28. one’s welcome —
29. it’s non-existence that
30. masters sense of proportion.    

VI.
31. Death is
32. the mother of earthly chaos.
33. And only She has the right to
34.  regulate and
35.  set up
36.                everything.

VII.
37. The one who met
38. the Lord’s eye
39. and did not perish
40. after that, —
41. is His servant.

VIII.
42. His eye burns to ashes
43. a soul
44. tempted by Satan 
45. and
46. destined
47. for the hell.
 
IX.
48. His eye
49. purifies the soul
50. soiled with doubts.

X.
51. From His
52. intent look
53. neither  plausible thoughts
54. nor ambitious deeds 
55. can be hidden.

XI.
56. His eye
57. brings confidence
58. into the soul.

XII.
59. His eye    
60. fills
61. the Eternity.

XIII.
62. Damnations
63. feed
64.            the source of Satan’s
65. power.         

XIV.
66. Such beauty is
67. in God’s Face
68. that
69. upon seeing It
70. you get pure   
71. or you vanish
72. and vanish will your kin.

XV.
73. He who humbles
74.                himself —
75. shall rise.   

XVI.
76. Pride is
77. the sister
78. of the fallen angel.

XVII.
79. Don’t ask for praise 
80.             for your good deeds.
81. it is mean feelings   
82. of a mean soul
83. that await it.

XVIII.
84. Impending doom burns
the heart.
85. While dwindling,
86.                hope
87. breaks its beat
88. and then,
89.                too heavy,
90. it stops.

XIX.
91. Grimacing,
92. the Reality
93.             parodies
94. our dreams.

XX.
95. Sincerity
96. is doomed
97.       to
98.  ridicule,
99.  for Envy
100. fears it.      

XXI.
101. Envy
102. always  reproaches Dream
103. with self-conceit.

XXII.
104. A feral  Pride   
105. rolls down to the threshold
106. of  oblivion.

XXIII.
107. Beyond the boundaries of comprehension
108. there remains   
109. the resourcefulness
                of  Detachment.

XXIV.
110. Joy is heartless —
111. the cares of sorrow
112. do not touch her.


XXV.
113. An incomprehensible Sorrow
114. wanders wearing
115. Joy’s old clothes.

 
XXVI.
116. Hope,
117. upon saying farewell to Dream,
118. achieved through suffering the right
119. to the Future.

XXVII.
120. Everyone
121. can know
122. his predestination: 
123. you only have to
124. peer 
125. into yourself
126. while fasting.

XXVIII.
127. The Villain’s scepticism
128. cannot affect
129. sincere deeds
130. of  Man.

XXIX.
131. Belief in man    
132. destroys
133. belief in God
134.       raises high.



XXX.
135. No need to ask
136. people’s pardon.
137. Can the servants 
138.                of  devil
139.                sympathize?


XXXI.
140. Don’t expect the sympathy.
141. You sympathize
142. and you will come to know yourself.


XXXII.
143. Self-knowledge
144. raises
145. or
146. destroys.

XXXIII.
147. Self-knowledge
148. strengthens
149. those doubting.

XXXIV.
150. Self-knowledge
151. strands the weak
152. onto the shore of madness
153. and leads to rampage.


XXXV.
154. Knowledge
155. gives birth to adventurers,
156. lying prophets
157. and Saints.


XXXVI.
158. The three guides —
159. Despair,
160. Curiosity,
161. and Predestination — 
162. lead you
163. along the way of knowledge.

XXXVII.
164. The resurrection of  spirit
165. is as imperceptible
166. as the breath
167. of morning dew.

XXXVIII.
168. The day,
169. as it seduces the morning,
170. never thinks
171. about the consequences
172. and thus
173. draws near its own decline.

XXXIX.
174. The night,
175. effecting
176. the sacrament of transfiguration,
177. aspires to
178. eternity.

XL.
179. Wanderers look   
                strange
180. in other people’s eyes,
181. when they preach truth.

XLI.
182. The lying prophet is greeted
                by the majority,
183. for liars,
184. in deceiving others,
185. desire also to be
                deceived.

XLII.
186. The Sorrow feels not the burden of  weariness
187. but that of disbelief
188. in the deeds of  the Most High.

XLIII.
189. The last
190. man
191. on Earth
192. will be the Lord,
193. for He created
194. man in His own
195. image and likeness.   

XLIV.
196. Those who lost hope
197. are supported by
198. devil.

XLV.
199. Fear  dies away
200. faster than life.

XLVI.
201. Exaltation
202. as a rule conceals
203. improper deeds.

XLVII.
204. Everyone who sinned
205. has right to
206. repentance.

XLVII.
207. The sinner’s sincerity
208. is incommensurable with
209. the Lord’s  generosity.

XLIX.
210. When the sinner repents
211. devil cries.

L.
212. Dependence
213. is generated by crime.

LI.
214. Only at the end of  your tether
215. shall He show you
216. your future,
217. to which you aspired.

LII.
218. Mama died
219. in my arms at 7.18   
220. on January 18, 1996,
221. and she didn’t have enough time
222. to tell me
223. what               
224. the future
225. would bring me…
 
Those were the last lines written down at the dying bed.
Mama
left me
for ever.
And the grey freezing morning
seemed
night
to me.




There’s nothing ahead.
The only thing
the sinners are
not yet deprived of is
repentance.

Forgive me, mother dear…
Forgive me…
The earthly — to the earthly ones,
eternity — to you.

18.01. 1996

Перевела на английский Елена Нейфельд