За жалюзи сижу и наблюдаю,
Я за людьми, что всё проходят стороной;
И ни один из них не замечает
Малюсенький внимательный глаз мой.
Они не видят комнату мою,
Что пожелтела вся от призрачного света;
Они не понимают, что я здесь сижу;
Когда уйду отсюда, тоже не заметят.
The Window
Behind the blinds I sit and watch
The people passing - passing by;
And not a single one can see
My tiny watching eye.
They cannot see my little room,
All yellowed with the shaded sun;
They do not even know I'm here;
Nor'll guess when I am gone.
Уолтер де ля Мар. Окно
© Copyright: Елена Тоом, 2015
Свидетельство о публикации №115081201737
Свидетельство о публикации №115081201737
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It’ s quite well, Elena, but the sense of the last line is somewhat different:
“They… Nor'll guess when I am gone”. The predicate of the subourdinate clause of time (“when I am gone”) shows that they cannot guess the time when he leaves his watching place by the window )) Here the sequence of tenses should by observed when translating). Excuse me for writing in English, I just have no access to a Russian keaboard now.
As for rhythmical structure, it may certainly not be observed, though I prefer some other school of poetic translation (a traditional one)).
Sincerely,
Ольга Ивина 12.08.2015 09:42 • Заявить о нарушении
“They… Nor'll guess when I am gone”. The predicate of the subourdinate clause of time (“when I am gone”) shows that they cannot guess the time when he leaves his watching place by the window )) Here the sequence of tenses should by observed when translating). Excuse me for writing in English, I just have no access to a Russian keaboard now.
As for rhythmical structure, it may certainly not be observed, though I prefer some other school of poetic translation (a traditional one)).
Sincerely,
Ольга Ивина 12.08.2015 09:42 • Заявить о нарушении