The Ballad of London

(Russian text by Naum Sagalovsky)

Once, when the snow had appeared,
A palace — greatly guarded,
Was shocked when someone brave and weird
Peed in the winter garden.

;The King is stupid; – was the sign
Inlayed in shiny grounds,
It was indeed a bold design
That aimed to put him down.

The King went out of his mind.
For sure, he wasn’t a coward.
He ordered to locate the swine
And throw him in the Tower.

Enforcement officers at hand
For that important reason
Were trying hard to apprehend
The crook, who dared the treason.

Best chemists, doctors, men of law –
The team was swift and mighty,
Were testing the urine in the snow
And matching the handwriting.

The experts sent two short reports
That surely pleased the town.
The facts revealed by those words
Were snappy and profound.

The rumor spread from door to door
And struck the same as lightning:
Who peed? – The French Ambassador!
…but in the Queen’s handwriting.
…………….
God gave us brains for all our needs,
And on a winter day
Let’s have all our foolish feats
Done in a royal way.