the very beginning

I’m set on you so much
It’s frightening enough
though you doubt it
I’ve had a bad night
without your arms holding me tight
and our breath synchronized
woke up in the middle of the night
hearing the alarm sound
my heart became a stone
and I started thinking about
how it’s good you’re not here
‘cause it’s may be dangerous
but it’s heavily, darling
it’s a lack of your support and protection
and there was a stupid thoughts that I
don’t want to die alone, by myself, without you
if I needed tonight
I woke up lately again ‘cause you didn’t embrace me
then in foggy treacle I muffed into the phantom of you
I dreamed a dream
I was pregnant by you
and you told that
you already have children
from a woman beloved
and as you don’t love you don’t wanna a child with me
while you were the second person in my life
from whom and with whom I wanted a baby
and you told me you hope I know what I’m doing
and that I will cope with it, probably, yes
but it’s no more your business, decision and problems
and I just didn’t try to find you anymore
then I was accepted by other person
loving me, despite of it all
and it’s awful I felt
I just couldn’t wake up
I still feel such a lump in a throat
our history always
by no means wasn’t simple
and we knew all about how to pretend happy end
and I will tell you something
what I restrained so long
I bore and hid it in myself
to be convinced, to make sure I’m right
though it changes nothing
and you’ll barely believe me
but
I love you
I am so happy to tell this
to you
now you proposed me
you told that woman wasn’t beloved
and your children eyes like our eyes
and you don’t wanna leave me anymore
so that’s how it goes
you broke your defences that you built for years
you removed me as a cat from a spike
and I’m not sure I have 9 lives
it begun so disgusting a year ago
that I cried to forget
now it’s a very brand new beginning
so let’s do it
I’m yours