Marxism-Leninism and a mouse

I remember in the 80’s in Moscow
I was standing in my kitchen
With a book of Marxism-Leninism in my hands
Just slammed shut in indignation –
It was not a very thick book
Probably Friedrich Engels

At that very moment a small mouse
Ran out from under the cupboard
A rare guest in our apartment
At those scarce times of stagnation

In a bout of a hunter’s passion,
Still heated by my reading
I hurled the book flatly as a disk
Setting it in rotation
By both hands without swinging
Without moving my body

Oh how I was proud about the hurl,
That struck the animal
Even having hidden itself
Under the kitchen closet
With the book flying obliquely
Like a circular saw

I pulled the mouse out by the tail,
Still convulsing with the broken back,
Looking at it for a long time
And then dropped it into the garbage

For many years I felt good
About a beautiful throw of rare precision
Such things don’t happen every day
And not to everybody

Having received another confirmation of my strength
And my ability to concentrate at the right moment
Soon I left that country forever
And my self-confidence
Was very helpful to me then

And only now
After so many years of living in the West
Suddenly I have realized that in that episode
I was merely a blind weapon
Of the things I was forced to study
Against my will –
Because only those superior forces
Could lend such a strength and precision to a throw

And the killed little mouse was then
Only a small insignificant link
In the multi-million chain of innocent victims
Already coming to an end at those times of stagnation
Before the collapse

New York, 9 September 2013

(Translation from Russian original: http://www.stihi.ru/2013/09/07/6625)