Diamond in the Sand

     (стихи моей дочери)


            ***

 (inspired by Debussy’s Afternoon of a Faun)

The wind blows a strong current,
The grass and flowers bow their little heads on the bank of the sea.
The waves roll around in a mystical way,
and only the nymphs know how and why.
They seldom poke their heads above water,
but when they do, the water makes way for the graceful creatures,
to sit on the banks, and brush their long, long hair.
They invite the birds to sit on their shoulders,
and enjoy the sight of the tumbling sea.
The wind creates music in the distance,
as if someone is playing a flute far away.
The nymphs’ sapphire eyes glitter,
while bestowing their gentle glance on all around them.
With one watery touch on the flowers beside them,
they can make a simple daisy a flower of wonder.
The gems in their hair are little glassy beads of water.
The puddles they leave after themselves,
become the greenest patch of grass.
The sea rejoices in having them play in its waters,
to splash around and make it pure.
They look for days when no one is there,
when all is calm and still,
so that they may play on the bank of the waters,
and make the world a watery glass of light.


            Victoria (12)


Рецензии
Adelina,
This is beautifully written, highly vivid, flowery and somewhat impressionistic.
"A Diamond is Sand" will be a more correct use of articles.
Also "currEnt" in the first line.
"become the greenest patchES of grass" should agree with "puddles".
I hope you do not mind the suggested edits.
Best,
Dina

Беляева Дина   15.01.2013 00:59     Заявить о нарушении
Thank you very much, Dina for your review! That is a really valuable suggestion. I told to my daughter about it because she is an author. This poem was written in age 12 probably and the spelling words might not be completely accurate:)) She is really thankful! Although she decided to keep the couple things : the "Diamond iN the Sand" ( it's fine, I think ...IS Sand- there is a different meaning you can see ). Special thanks for the " currEnt" - that is a funny mistake we were laughing at ... Also she decided to leave "patch" (with plural "puddles"). She said that it's pretty good and quite acceptable. I really can not judge it myself because - English is not my native language, but her. Sorry. Anyway, thanks a lot ! My daughter and I- we really appreciate your help, Dina.
Our best wishes and thank you for your coming to this page!
A.

Аделина Грант   15.01.2013 00:48   Заявить о нарушении
Adelina,
best you luck to your daughter.
She is very talented.

Беляева Дина   15.01.2013 01:02   Заявить о нарушении