I can t change

I can't change who I am but also can't forbid the others.
I'm willing to protect my soul, my way of doing things.
But pressure from the outside sometimes seizes me and smothers,
Opinions are breaking just renewed and fragile links.

I want me to forget that other world is so much better,
If someone can enjoy it what it has to do with me?
I feel like in this changing world I still write only letters
And cells are something out of mind and we can't let them be.

I think it's all so wrong, I get offended and start crying.
But no one owes me anything and no one even cares.
And while they play all hurt and sad when maybe caught in lying
In fact it's just a little act to do their own repairs.

I know if I don't call they aren't likely to remember,
I guess I get along with me without those talks and rants.
It's hard to keep my body warm in imminent December,
But since my heart is rather numb, it'll only cost me pants.

Sometimes I try to just fit in, to talk like they are talking,
To not get angry every time when someone lets me down.
The truth is I can still believe, aside all laughs and joking.
But that's of no use in this big deceitful gloomy town.

You'd think I would have learned by now that nothing ever changes,
That I can't be who may turn out to suit the kings of world.
I will go on to see the best in those I know and strangers.
I will keep beating myself up on slightest blaming word.