The ceremony, fire, and Phoenix

For now, don’t have a permanent place and access to internet, so wrote this, sneaking to a comp on my job.
I thank all who care and expressed and provided the support.
I had a powerful ceremony, my 7th, Sa to Su, Apr7-8, 2012.
First time gathered courage to take the 2nd cup.
Handled the first under control, to my surprise, being able to concentrate
and come back to reality after thoughts attempted to carry me to their, own reality.
The 2nd cup hit so hard, that the
whole body and mind vibrated literally. It was not a simple cup;
there was a certain ceremony and program performed with it.
Felt like on fire, intoxicated and
thrown to the ground, saw the fire outside at the fireplace, wanted to be close to it,
but was told by the shaman not to sit there, after just taken the 2nd cup.

Really craved fire in my mind, still, just was drawn to it, as if by a magnet.
When came home, the house, where rented an apartment, was burnt beyond repairs.
Thoughts of fire, craving… and fire…

Lost practically everything material, as kept everything there in that house.

The lessons and path.

To be grateful for what is given, as anything exterior may be given or
taken away at any time, vanishing as smoke in the air without a trace.

To be grateful to be alive, as the Higher Force led to the ceremony that night
and made sure I did not burn in the fire-flames of the house.

To be grateful for the spirit, mind, and body that all intact and not be faced
with choice of how to jump out of the burning window, as life proved that all who
are faced with inferno of fire jump into the air, prolonging each second
of being alive.

To be grateful for friends I didn’t know I had and two even risked their,
own life and climbed into the unstable building before me, rescuing what they could,
 becoming the first line of defense. I felt so ravaged by the 2nd cup that could,
still, not gather my body from its impact.

I would write a separate article on that and how some came through,
as no money can ever buy acts of true friendship.

I feel that the experience should be not about me but about what good
and positive may come out of calamities, as intuitively know that the Spartan way
is the only way in such moments.
I thought and thought, but, still, knew that thinking can’t provide answers.

The answers can only come from going very deep within and surrendering
to the cause and effect of life, represented by the Plane of Causes and
learning the lessons to be learned.
It is about humility and patience, calmness and faith, inner strength and
taking one step at a time, when overwhelmed, as anything else is only an
unneeded baggage.
With years, I learned to cherish spiritual and not material.
Why I had to lose that what was left, I am not sure?

I did ask and was intensely tapping during ceremonies and on my, own into
the circulation of energy, healing, and, yes, shamanism.
It began opening up and with some force, even perception of music and
sounds began to change. Unity with nature became binding.
Do not see punishment or a warning to stop my quest for expanding the consciousness;
see the opposite – continue but in an ascetic way, being detached from everything,
 except only that, which can take to the ceremony and that is what is left
to me now from the material possessions left by the manifestation of fire.

Skipped some days at work, some chain reaction followed. It is only business
and money to these people. That's all they care or care to know.
For me, signs and lessons everywhere.
Maybe a loss is a hidden gain and a path to a greater way to go deeper
and study at the Amazon, immersing further in that, which has been opening.
Maybe.

Learned one great law of life: whatever happens to you is energy alive,
which, often, is neither good, nor bad. It is what you do with it and
how relate to it, which determines the outcome. Everything is powerful
energy, so need to learn to polarize that, which is perceived as negative
and turn it into the positive. There is always a choice and way.

Most importantly – always search for light and follow it; the rest
would follow you!

Life is interaction of the opposite forces and polarities. 
There are cycles; there are extremes, and tests to stimulate the growth.

The warmth of the sun and processes in Earth's soil do stimulate
the seed to grow, climbing out of the darkness toward light.

The house with what was there is burned.

As soon as doubts and pain attempt to crawl into me, immediately become
aware that I am blessed and given so much: life, itself, and ability
to bring light into it and share with others, not only dwell in ego.

At the last, few ceremonies, specifically asked the medicine to lower my ego
and help me rediscovering my, True, Higher self.
So lowering has picked up its intensity.

Tragedy? No way! How can there be any after tasting the expansion of
consciousness and its Higher states?
There is no devastation, as it is only an illusion; there is a great,
even though a bit painful, opportunity to become better and stronger,
eventually helping others by crystallizing in the new experience.

A cynic would say – help yourself body, let others worry about themselves.

Yet, the real close and vital support, which already received came from
the people who were with me during or shortly after the event came from
those to whom did or gave something for free because saw something pure
in their spirit. That little came back, now, tenfold.
Their assistance was the first line of defense, which I, initially,
perceived as breaking through the war battle with least loses available,
considering the overwhelming opposing force and trap.

Then, after taking more medicine and God bless the friend who shared it
with me, came to conclusion that there is no war and life loves me so
much that wants me to rise to a much higher level. It just gave me
a bit of slap to fly. "Wow, so much love, slow down a bit," thought I,
looking at a smoking house, but, with each day, something in me was
telling me, “you asked for the higher powers? Here is your test,
as nothing substantial comes easy – work for what has asked and
endure the consequences that come with it!”

Many things can be said, yet, sometimes, silence is the answer!

This weekend, I would find a way to borrow money and would attend the next,
pre-planned ceremony if would not make enough. No fire would stop me!

First time in my life in seven ceremonies, would not ask the medicine
to give me what I want.
Would, simply, wait for it to show me what the Higher Force chooses
and learn from there.
Surrender and passivity are the hardest for me, as Aries within attempts
to bring me in a combat posture.
Not putting my will into the action is the challenge for me, yet, complete
surrender and trust, the most complex act for me, are needed to be accomplished,
by the realization of fire-cleansing.

Friends and their support.
Andrei Kolom and his son, Ruslan rescued some of my, important documents and
dear to me crystals, risking their life in already burned house, also
risked being arrested, as cops were called in.

Jake Nabutovsky provided the van to relocate the little that was rescued.
 
Allen Bond shared his place of stay, which still have till the end of the week,
Boris Alor, understand, organized the support.
Amazing support and cushion to get up.

Feel certain closeness in spirit to some people and thank all for being
who they are and their good will!

One mystery remains beyond my comprehension.
There was a huge, shaman drum in my apartment.
When cops were called in, we lost the opportunity to take out anything and rescue stopped right there.

Few days later, the drum, mysteriously appeared in the evening in Allen Bond's place.
I asked those who were with me. No one took it out.
I came back a few times after the fire to feed the cat who survived,
as he refused to leave the area. I do not recall getting back into the
remnants of the house and it was, already, sealed by the City.
How did it get to another place is beyond my comprehension?
All I know I really wish it was saved, as it was made sacred by
a Colombian shaman and the whole ceremony was performed to make it so.

Have to find a way to patch the rip that was made by the fallen attic.
Now, it is almost a war drum - the one which survived the battle with raging fire.

As powerful as fire can be and nothing can stay in its way, the drum,
in which love and devotion of the shaman and my reverence of for the sounds
and energy the drum was opening, withstood that fire and, even though,
with wound but came out victorious.

My love for shamanic drums opened up something that blended us together:
the spirit drum and me. Now, we are together.

Light and enlightenment to all! Amen!