I don’t believe, these feelings are forgotten.
I’ll never change because I’ll never know
If you are serious, and if I’m really chosen.
If I will never hear your cruel “No”.
It is too easy to begin, believe me,
But it’s too hard to stop, when someone’s gone.
To heal your heart, when it starts really bleeding,
And it’s impossible for you to be alone.
Yes, I’m afraid, but sweetheart, would you change it?
Would you protect me with your endless warm?
For now, so I could never feel rejected,
As if I were again forever now at home…
as if..
© Copyright: Бессонный, 2012
Свидетельство о публикации №112020300181
Свидетельство о публикации №112020300181
Рецензии
Hi there!
Overall, I get it that this poem is about love and deep feelings, but there are a lot of things left unexplained to the reader. For example:
"...if I’m really chosen" - chosen for what? by whom? "easy to begin" - easy to begin what? "too hard to stop" - same....hard to stop what?
I understand that for yourself, you know what you're writing about, but as a reader, I am left with a feeling of incompleteness of your thoughts.
Also, not sure what you mean by "For now..." and I think you meant endless warmth, not "endless warm".
Sorry for the critique, but it's honest, and these are just my thoughts. ))) You can keep the poem unchanged, "as if" I never wrote anything. ))))
*
With a friendly smile~
Lena (aka Helen)
Елена Бингхэм 03.02.2012 00:28 • Заявить о нарушении
Overall, I get it that this poem is about love and deep feelings, but there are a lot of things left unexplained to the reader. For example:
"...if I’m really chosen" - chosen for what? by whom? "easy to begin" - easy to begin what? "too hard to stop" - same....hard to stop what?
I understand that for yourself, you know what you're writing about, but as a reader, I am left with a feeling of incompleteness of your thoughts.
Also, not sure what you mean by "For now..." and I think you meant endless warmth, not "endless warm".
Sorry for the critique, but it's honest, and these are just my thoughts. ))) You can keep the poem unchanged, "as if" I never wrote anything. ))))
*
With a friendly smile~
Lena (aka Helen)
Елена Бингхэм 03.02.2012 00:28 • Заявить о нарушении
oh no, thanks!)
i've just not noticed ab. warmth. you're right)
not attentive enough as usual.
what about the unexplained things - they are in my poems even in Russian. I don't even know, why. That's just the way it is. Anyway, thank you)
Бессонный 03.02.2012 00:32 Заявить о нарушении
i've just not noticed ab. warmth. you're right)
not attentive enough as usual.
what about the unexplained things - they are in my poems even in Russian. I don't even know, why. That's just the way it is. Anyway, thank you)
Бессонный 03.02.2012 00:32 Заявить о нарушении
Really?! What's the meaning of the noun? I'm curious now. I know of an Adjective and an Adverb, but WARM as a noun - never heard of! :)))
Unless you're thinking of a WORM. Totally different subject there. lol
Елена Бингхэм 03.02.2012 01:39 Заявить о нарушении
Unless you're thinking of a WORM. Totally different subject there. lol
Елена Бингхэм 03.02.2012 01:39 Заявить о нарушении
oh, and of course there's a verb, like in "I want to warm up my борщ." :)))
Елена Бингхэм 03.02.2012 01:40 Заявить о нарушении
Елена Бингхэм 03.02.2012 01:40 Заявить о нарушении
warm сущ.
общ. расположение (к кому-л.); интерес (к чему-л.)
it can be different)
Бессонный 03.02.2012 01:42 Заявить о нарушении
общ. расположение (к кому-л.); интерес (к чему-л.)
it can be different)
Бессонный 03.02.2012 01:42 Заявить о нарушении
На это произведение написаны 2 рецензии, здесь отображается последняя, остальные - в полном списке.