Access denied

The fear has gone,
Emotions are true,
I always seem to run
But what I gotta do?

I'm not afraid of loving,
Ain't scared of believing,
I'm tired of this hoping
And frankly useless living.

You came into my life
To fill it so kindly,
You were just like a knife,
Slicing my soul so mildly.

Without you my heart was crying,
And even when you came,
This heart still tries denying
Access for your amazing name.

Because of you I smoke cigarettes,
Watching falling rain,
Your words are so violent,
And I can't keep that pain.

The sight of you is too much burning,
You wanna get me on my knees,
I'll only feel contageous worrying
If you don't set me free.

While my soul's music plays,
Depending on my loving rights,
I spend my lonely days
And more than lonely nights,

Thinking about your pretty face
And your inviting eyes,
About your marvellous grace,
As my love, screaming, dies.

You made the blood run through my vein,
You've been the air that I breathe,
You've totally destroyed my brain;
My life's frustrating quiz.

But I have lost it, I don't know
If I can realize the truth,
'Cause you don't love me anymore,
But I'll never forget you.

You've cursed me, baby,
My heart is broken again.
I'd sort it out, maybe,
But I just go insane.

I loved you, girl, and always will.
Why do you come into my dreams?
Your love was really plentful kill
But why my soul forever screams?