По окошку - не дождь

... It is just the letter in emptiness. In your e-mail, the unique I know - in my dreams. I know, I am in black. In black list.

"Hello, my love. Allow to remind of myself a little bit. I do not aspire to rush into your life again. Just... My life is empty without you. And it passed so much time since that moment when I saw you for the last time, that I feel short of air in my lungs, and each breath demands so much force. As though I try to breathe in vacuum...

All this it is not important anyway... Tell me how do you live?

I do not want to write to you about the feelings, but for some reason I do... They have not changed almost, no drop is lost, nothing is forgotten.
Forgive me.. Sorry... That I write this letter, I promise to myself to not send it to you. But it is impossible for me to not write this mail... I miss you, I look for you in every passer-by, despite that I am sure for all one hundred percent that will not meet you. We live in different worlds now. I know that our planets don`t cross..."

I close my eyes. And then I close my mouth with a palm for not to let a shout come off my lips.

"You know, it is so surprising, I never wrote the letters to anybody, did not like to write - simply. And it is vital for me now all is tearing outside. It is so difficult to take hold, knowing that one key pressing - from you - and you will read these lines, though you will not answer. One word from you will be enough to remove locks that help me to hide the past.

All my feelings, pain, memory, all... All parts of YOU.
Thank you for giving me a chance to live all this. In spite of everything, I wish you a good luck only, love and all the best that can be in this world. Because you worth all this. Thank you for all tell minutes, which we have spent together in our past life. Thank you that you were in my life. See you, my dear, I still hope to see you once. Allow me to reserve such right, small hope of a miracle.
Let it to warm my heart, helping to cope with a pain, which is strong as well as my love to you. Good bye, my dear.

Always. Forever. Without response. Yours..."

Letter send to...  Your name. Three letters. This is all I know in this life.

"I love you"... There is very precious words... Their price is too high sometimes... It is a pity that the majority does not understand a true value of these three words nowadays... Telling them means taking responsibility for what you have told, and not be to afraid to open your soul to another person. To Love... Perfectly, magically... If a person felt love in his life, means that he was happy for few seconds at least, he does`t live for nothing.
I'm happy? Yes... But I feel pain. And in the rest - I am very happy...
I get used to a pain. You can repeat that I am silly, that I play with you,  and to repeat again that you do not love me... But I can stand it.
To you with all my feelings, worthless beautiful phrases, poems, words...
I can stand.

"In the dark" 2011 (c)


У меня по окошку - не дождь, а холодное время стекает,
Точно так же, как и по лицу - не слёзы, а капли души.
Господи Боже, а ведь король мой живёт, и он не знает,
Как я имя его повторяю - в этой пустой квартирной тиши.

Предрассветная лихорадка - поспать так и не получилось.
Колыбельные осени не помогают, уж слишком сильная боль.
Принцесса, наверно, больна, или просто спать разучилась.
Но надеется, что со своей королевой спит крепко король.

Да, через тысячи километров стук сердца точно не слышен,
Горячей слезой, на щеку упавшей, короля мне не разбудить.
Но я представляю сейчас, как во сне он спокойно дышит.
И чтобы не вскрикнуть от боли, рот рукою спешу прикрыть.

Беззвучно прошу короля хоть о слове, как будто о чуде.
Стала линзы цветные носить, потускневшие пряча глаза.
Дико плохо сегодня. Знаю, что завтра - ещё хуже будет.
Спи, мой прекрасный король. И хоть ты не смотри назад.