Самоцитаты - The quotes, which I made up

The quotes, which I made up

"If New Hampshire residents would be true to their "Live Free or Die" official motto, the Funeral services would be very profitable business out there."

"It is usually a bad job interview idea to say that you are an avid "self learner" because as a teenager you have learned about "The birds and the bees" on your own - by conducting multiple live experiments."

"Is making up real funny quotes not enough for someone to become Notable ?"

"The rumor has it that as a cost cutting measure the original Statue of Liberty was recently secretly replaced by its cheap copy, which was made in ... China."

"Wiki Leaks got the unconfirmed information (through the osmosis, of course) that North Korea now agreed to sign the peace agreement with the South Korea on one only condition - Woody Allen's immediate divorce."

"The best remedy to reduce hemorrhoid's pain and itching is to become a professional stand-up comedian."

"If I would live in the past then I would be a fan of those days Modern Literature. If I would live in the future then I would be probably enjoying today's Sci-Fi genre. But since I live in the present boring times I prefer to read Classics."

"If money would indeed grow on trees then we would not need to worry about saving forests."

"It is a common historical misconception to claim that Serbia was bombed by US's led NATO to force the creation of the Muslim European state (Kosovo). In truth the sole purpose of the bombing action was the desperate last resort attempt to destroy the plant, producing those awful cars, called Yugo."

"Bill Clinton was absolutely truthful when he stated that he "never had sex with that woman". He actually meant Hillary."

"I've heard the exciting news that producers of "King's speech", being greatly encouraged by their success at Oscar's, are rushing with the sequel tentatively named "King's fart", trying it to be ready for the April 29 royal wedding event."

"Grapevine sources are telling that Natalie Portman is writing her autobiography book titled "My way to Oscar - from ugly duckling with no strings attached to pregnant swan in love."

"I would gladly do what I say ... if only it would not take me so much time to figure what I really meant when I said it."

"Since flies carry the infection, I would welcome establishing "No fly zone" in all countries instead of doing this favor just for Libya."

"Some like it hot, some like it both hot and married."

"When USA failed to export goods it started to export jobs. That is what I call "Innovation"."

"My parents also called me Sasha. But my house was of another color."

"Since I like to have my drink alone and not in a party of noisy unruly scoundrels, I am switching from drinking tea to coffee."

"When I write my phrase, containing a statement, I always leave a lot of free empty space underneath of it."

"The best meet-up dating places for divorcees are "Lost and Found" departments."

"What is common between a male bird and a politician ?
They both could change colors.
What is the difference between a male bird and a politician ?
The first does it to make love, the second - just to stay alive."

"What is the difference between buying sandwich and being laid off at work ?
In the latter case - they always give it to you "to go". "

"Why the only people who could afford serious opinion on the serious issues of this country are late night shows comedians ?
Because this is the most unlikely time and place for Awakening."

"The motto "IN GOD WE TRUST" used in US Legal Tender (bills and coins) has a typo.
The correct version is: "IN GOLD WE TRUST"."

"Republicans are red, democrats are blue; most voters are color blinded and do not have a clue."

"Why Tea-Party meetings remind me of "The Elephant In The China Shop" ?"

"We invaded into Iraq instead of Iran due to president Bush's misspelling error."

"To pass political illiteracy test one just needs to know that Barack and Osama are the first names while Mubarak and Obama are the last ones."

"The smaller the country is, the easier it is to find the reasons why it has to be bombed"

"On day when Poetry will die the Earth will turn to hell
The death of Poetry will mean the death of Love as well !"

"Like rivers flow into ocean
Unstoppable time's steady motion
And only Love without caution
Survives the time through its Devotion"

"Most of the people escape from day-to-day mundane reality of life into others fantasies (books). Very few people escape from that known reality by discovering the yet unknown one ! "

"Usually submitting poetry to public review is akin to 'Casting Pearls Before Swine' "

"I would be easily converted into believer of the soul's reincarnation concept, if one would assure me that in the process of reincarnation my Goodreads book list will be carried along with me"

"When last time I rechecked my Birth Certificate I was disappointed to find out that neither my last name is Trump nor that I was born in Hawaii"

"If your book review only talks how do you feel about the book instead of talking about the book itself - the only person, who might be interested in your review is your psychoanalyst"

"The rumor has it that to promote tourism the State of Hawaii is giving birth certificates to all people succeeding in spelling the word "Aloha"."

"We all feel like immortals while merely being alive"

"If the piece of art of any genre only allows to tell how one feels about it without being capable to say what it is all about - then it surely belongs to Modern Art"

"Maxim Gorky said "For all good in me I indebted to books" - and I second it.
The question, which is remaining - from where all my bad came from ?"

Lyrics of the Day (04/29/2011):
"Roll Over Prince William and tell Kate Middleton the news"

Message of the Day(04/29/2011):
"Black Prince" to "Prince in Red" : "Something is rotten in ..."

Rhyme of the Day(04/29/2011):
"Obama in Alabama"
(doesn't rhyme well ...)

"When the history is not studied and when the history lessons are not learned - then the history punishes *us* by recreating its worst moments."

"Increase of interest in witchcraft, occult, magic and mysticism indicates losing touch with reality"

"Reading fantasy books is much easier than changing reality"

"Good classical books are like wine - both are getting even better with time !"

"I am not afraid to be infected with bad taste of modern books -I am inoculated by reading classics !"

"Luckily it takes some time to blow the angel out of the child's soul and make him/her to be a 'human being'."

"One of the features the evil could be identified by - is by its hatred to Jews."

"When I first time saw "True Love Grows" from Tiffany - I thought it was another "male enhancement" spam promotion."

"When one's opponents are fools ...the best way to stay entertained is to fool around with them ..."

"Any brandy gets supposedly better with age, but only good books continue to get better as time passes by ... "

"The tragedy of Humanism as an idea is that in practice it (due to its abstract goals) fails to enthuse and motivate people's actions.
Humanism always looses its fight against fanatical evil causes, which are based on hate and destruction, because such causes are more material and concrete, and, therefore such causes are more appealing to ignorant masses. "

The following warning has to be placed on each Trojan horse :
"Beware of Greeks bearing gifts"

The daemon-crazy is pronounced as an anti-people republic

Works of art are valued without a discount

To write or read fantasy books is much easier than to change the reality

If you don't know people, who claim to be your enemy - then your enemies are hiding among people, who claim to be your friends.  If you don't have friends then look up for your enemy within yourself

Everyone in this world goes by his own "Milky Way"

It is good, that the person can not see himself "directly" with his own eyes - because direct eye contact with the Gorgon Medusa, who lives in this man, is suicidal

Not everything in the world is worthy of imitation or continuation.

It is easy not to know

Beauty in art does not get old

A small stone placed at the headstones, commensurates with eternity

Perfection is the enemy of progress

Tastelessness destroys the beauty

Criminal conviction of the innocent - is a Pyrrhic victory for justice

The verdict of fate is final and is not the subject of appeal

Poetry is an artifact of excess of emotion

War is legitimized by society method of mutual killing

Nations do not disappear by themselves ...
They are getting destroyed by genocide  ...

The Jews came out of the Soviet Union as from Egypt ... but without Moses

In any country of the Galut, for Jews sooner or later there comes a "moment of truth"

Ignorance promotes vanity

Women love to drink all the fresh - including blood and money

Anyone who asks too many questions, will answer for it

Do not halloo with a cuckoo

Marriage - is a convention, sealed by the certificate

There is enough woe for everyone

Spiritual Holocaust lasts already for two thousand years - all the while trying to kill the soul of the Jewish People

The Jewish people - it's a boy, Mottle, - he's everywhere an orphan

Aphorisms - like children - they know how to laugh and cry

Cloning does not compensate for lack of originality

Faceless originals produce faceless clones

If the soul is crying - learn to play the violin

"Pisces" is a reincarnation of the soul, which drowned in grief

Sensitivity is nudity, dressed into the nervous tissue

Pathology in human relations - is a "common situation"

Nature does not indulge its geniuses

Slavery is suggestive ... - If you do not believe me - then ask the ... Aesop

Accuracy is the politeness of kings", and brevity - it is the politeness of writers

If someone has won a duel with death - it will always win in a rematch

No one mows the grass of oblivion

Life is a gift that sooner or later will be returned

Last Dance is always reserved for ... death

Death - it's a matter of time

Geniuses are burned in the fire of their talent

To manipulate people ... - it is easier than learning to play the flute

Love is when they die with your name on the lips ... during orgasm

Losing an umbrella reduces the desire and ability to cling to life

Open umbrella has always looked to the sky with hope, but never saw the sunshine 

The strength of an aphorism in its banality

Old age - it is a combination of feelings of weakness, powerlessness, and stupidity

Life is ... what it is ...

He was a famous poet ... but unfortunately he was known only to himself

Do not pull yourself up by the hair - such attempt to take-off, in a flight of creativity,  leads to premature baldness.

Reptiles can not write poems about love - this activity interferes with their coolness

Moving clock's arrows back is much nicer than forward ...
Even for an hour ...

Doctors are trying to save people from pain, while poets are trying to cause it

Lobotomy - this is not the best way to treat the syndrome of "split mind"

"The fundamental question of philosophy" in relation to love (between man and woman) is formulated as:
"What comes first - spiritual affinity or physical intimacy?"

It would be helpful if during the marriage, the judge would  inform newly wedded - spouses about all the possible harmful side effects

Why they are not selling insurance from an unsuccessful love affair?

The spiritual food of poor quality poisons the soul

Lunatic - a person for whom there is no place in the sun

If  one can't disentangle a node of the marital relationship, follow the example the Alexander of Macedon, - cut this knot with the sword - the sword of Themis

The prostitute pays for all by love

Sisyphus was working on a calling -  he was building the pyramids

According to Verdi's opera, Hades - is somewhere in Ethiopia ...

Do I need to give "tips" to Charon?

According to the opinion of the Fire Department employees, Prometheus was chained to the rock too late.

Explanations are many ... - But the essence is one

The thought - this is the last thread that connects people with life

If man could overcome himself, then he could live in peace with self ...
However, in the scrum with self -  the man is always left defeated.

Some ask questions to find out more,  others -  in order to be recognized.

Poets can't read other people's poems for a long time - it makes them sick to read the bad ones, and by reading a few good lines - begins a painful reaction of rejection.

Thoughts come and go, but aphorisms remain.

When one looks into the eyes of a dead person - he experiences a feeling of guilt,
that is why the eyes of deceased's get closed.

If you possess the gift of guessing the thoughts of others - is it legal to publish them?

When you can not or do not want to say something good - be quiet

The popularity could be ruined by breaking into pieces.

Among the majority the genius dies at birth, in a minority  - it survives.

All die by vocation

Genius is an atavism

Deep thought is like water in the sea: some drown in it, others float on the surface

If the talent comes from God, why do they say: "He's damn talented"?

Every doctrine has its limit

A liar cannot summon to answer for his actions another liar in the court
If he sells the lie to him as the truth, and the other pays him back using the counterfeit coin 

A labor of thought gives rise to the wisdom of minds
A labor of love is crowned by the faithfulness

Regularity and Randomness - these are two phenomena, the existence and interaction of which obeys the Law of Dialectics - "About The Unity and Struggle Of Opposites"

Deadly cold is the heavy hangover of the old age

Happiness is a welcome guest but calamity comes without invitation

As children we rush time, while in the old age the time is hurrying us

The best way to hide dictator's baldness is to cover it under the king's crown

After losing yourself, do not hope to recover your loss by finding it in others

The last dream of a clown ... - to make the death to laugh ...

For geniuses - everyday living is a waste of time, for everyone else - it is all they have ...

Oh my Black Prince, you have been long forgotten by the world
And no one cares whether you have been , or have you not
... What's left are just the useless empty words ...

One can not enter twice into the waters of any river ... even more so into the waters of the Styx ...

The list of Jewish defectors starts with Christ

Each, even the smallest social unit of society (including family) reflects all the diseases and vices of society as a whole

Death is life's last ritual and curse,
Divorce of soul from flesh, return into the chaos of the Universe