Not together and not yet apart

We can only be at distance or a zero gravity
But if u wanna fall I won`t constrain u to linger on,
I had so much of love in me but not a bit of girlish levity,
Doubts overwhelm, self-assurance destroyed and somehow torn.

I feel the spiteful grin of destiny jeering at me,
I see its ill-disposed face giving me a sidelong look,
U may go wherever like but cannot take the oxygen I breathe,
I`m not your clothes to be carelessly hung on hook.

I`m through with good girl`s nice behavior,
I don`t wanna feel the warmth of palms no more,
U don`t have to follow me, I don`t need u as my savior,
I don`t want u boy to cross my threshold, knock my door.

Though we are cramped to be together
But at a distance we are also none,
No sense to feign if all became like imitation leather,
I`ve spent all bullets from my gun.

We`re not together and not yet apart,
What for do we play for time, torturing each other`s hearts?
It turns out love as a punishment, not for the good,
It was my mistake - give up everything running to u.

I don`t care my heart`s still bleeding,
My eyes are shedding salty tears,
But I don`t need u in my mornings and my evenings,
I`ve spent on u my precious time and treasured years.

My diamond rings turned into grains of seashore sand,
I tightly grasp the pieces of love u can never mend,
U can never erase from my mind precious moments we had
Like u cannot see my crying eyes under the wide hat.