Innokenty Annensky
Among the worlds, in twinkling of the stars,
One name of Star I should repeat although...
And reason's not the feel of loving, but
Of darkness in the other's blazing glow.
And if I doubt hard to have a heavy heart,
I seek the answer only from Her although,
Not by the reason She is shining, but
Of no need with Her of the other show.
----
Среди миров (И.Анненский)
Среди миров, в мерцании светил
Одной Звезды я повторяю имя…
Не потому, чтоб я Ее любил
А потому, что я томлюсь с другими.
И если мне сомненье тяжело,
Я у Нее одной ищу ответа,
Не потому, что от Нее светло,
А потому, что с Ней не надо света.
Среди миров.. - перевод И. Анненского
© Copyright: Людмила 31, 2010
Свидетельство о публикации №110072401251
Свидетельство о публикации №110072401251
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Dear Lyudmila!
That's a very interesting interpretation of the poem by I. Annensky. However, the verb "to love" is not used in the progressive tense, except in the informal language. "Not by the cause that She is shining..." sounds a little bit odd to me. And the last line doesn't make much sense to me. By and large, your attempt deserves attention and praise, but you should feel the responsibility for your translations. BTW, can you tell me, what's your level of English? I don't mean to insult you, I just want to help you become a better translator and writer.
Yours truly,
Eugenius
Хабибулло-Евгений Киселев 08.12.2013 10:24 • Заявить о нарушении
That's a very interesting interpretation of the poem by I. Annensky. However, the verb "to love" is not used in the progressive tense, except in the informal language. "Not by the cause that She is shining..." sounds a little bit odd to me. And the last line doesn't make much sense to me. By and large, your attempt deserves attention and praise, but you should feel the responsibility for your translations. BTW, can you tell me, what's your level of English? I don't mean to insult you, I just want to help you become a better translator and writer.
Yours truly,
Eugenius
Хабибулло-Евгений Киселев 08.12.2013 10:24 • Заявить о нарушении
I've finished the english school in 1980s, the other learning was in the university (the technical translating)... Yes, I'm boiling only in my own pot and in some reading and contacting with the english speaking area through the inet... not in tet-a-tet or eye-to-eye conversation. If you feel some kind of foreignness in my translation - the reason is I'm not so skilled in common english due to lack of intercourse... :) Best wishes. Lyudmila
Людмила 31 18.12.2013 22:25 Заявить о нарушении
Людмила 31 18.12.2013 22:25 Заявить о нарушении