The true story of one

USA
Candy, 22:
This time it was really hard to find a way, but I tried... I tried very hard. It could be the last time. My world turned upside down. My love is not mine anymore. If it was only the cause of time, I would deal with it, but it wasn’t…

Intro
All started from the day I skipped my school. At that time I was 18. It was raining when I was walking. My cell-phone rang. That was my Dad. He told me that the school called. He knew I wasn’t at school. He told me not to come home unless I had an explanation for it. But I didn’t… I felt dumb.
My Dad was a drunkard I hated it, I hated him. I made no secret of the hatred for my father.
My mom was seriously ill. No one knew how to help her. Those were her last days. We knew that.
She knew if she dies I will be an orphan… But she couldn’t help it.
In a month she died…
It was a rainy November day. I had a black coat and a black bobble hat on, which my Mom sewed FOR ME.
It was the last time I saw her.
I was remembering everything: my childhood, Her, my Dad. It hurt. We were happy at that time, but then something didn’t work.
I knew that was me… I was the reason…but I didn’t want to think about that.
I remembered when I was 5 and told Her that I SAWED the chair. She told me to say “I SAW” instead of “I SAWED”, but when she came to the living room she SAW the SAWED chair.
Even at that age I was kind of a Tomboy.
I remembered everything…
But now I had to forget. Everything was escaping, it became blurred.
The only place I could go was my home, but there was my Dad, who was as usually on high. I had no choice.
Well, actually I had it, but I wanted to think that I had none, because the other one was as bad as that one.
We were walking silently, I had no words. I knew She died because of Him; Her nerves couldn’t bear it anymore.
A look of pure hatred flashed across my face. I hated him more and more.
He looked at me as he could read minds and said: “It’s your fault.”
“What?!” – cried I. I couldn’t believe my ears. “Me? And what about you? You are an alcohol addict!” – yelled I in the high-pitched tone.
He went mad. And the slap across my face followed. But I didn’t cry.
I answered: “You think you are saint, freak? Someday you’ll understand what you did, but it will be too late.”
I turned around and left. He couldn’t overcome his surprise.
That was the day I saw Him last.
That November day was the last time I saw my parents.
It was only the beginning…

What happened next?
I went to my friends’ house. His name was Alex. We were friends since our junior high.
He was only a year older than me. He lived with his grandparents and his cousin, because his parents were abroad. His cousins’ name was Erica. She was the sweetest cousin I’ve ever seen. Everyone wished a cousin like Erica. She was a year older than Alex.
Their grandparents were the loveliest couple I’ve ever met. They were very generous and understanding.
They treated me like their granddaughter. I loved them very much. I didn’t want to stay there for a long time, just for a while. But they asked me to stay, because they said they liked me and I became a part of their friendly family.
I knew they wanted me to stay because I was alone. I felt uncomfortable to stay and to leave at the same time.
So I had a perfect life for almost a year.
Next year Alex decided to go to Canada to visit his parents. It’s the last time I so him either.
He was there for a couple weeks. Then no news from him…
And what we’ve heard after some time of the dead silence was that Alex had a horrible accident in the mountains – the snowfall. He left us.

I wanted to cry, but couldn’t. I know he wanted me to live the best I could, but it was too hard.
The strong wind blew in my face. I was frozen, but wasn’t feeling cold. Just apathy.

I tried to commit suicide, but then understood that life is worth living!
I started to write: poems, prose.
It was my relief.

Now
I left Alex’s house after that. And now I’m 22. I have my own house. I am studying at the college and have a part-time job. I am enjoying life as it is.
And my piece of advice to everyone:
Enjoy your family life, love and care about your parents, siblings and grandparents, because family is everything you have and ever had.

Love, Candy

2006