The letter

Tonight I’m trying to imagine
What would You say when You will get
The letter I have sent.

I wrote in it about the way
I’ve walked to You by naked feet on sunwarned sand.

And as You know my dreams, now we can
Walk together, holding hand in hand.

There’s no more serious reasons left for both
Of us to hide our feelings, play the roles
And to pretend.

For me and You it isn’t hard,
There is no problem any more
To understand

That our happiness on our thoughts
And actions can depend.

Against all failures and mistakes,
My words had never had an aim
To hurt or to offend.

My kind of wisdom turned an evil
Cruel enemy to me, though earlier it used to be
My closest friend.

And something outside like freedom
Looks like a cage, like prison where
I have to stand.

I give my time for life or life for time - what for,
For what - and what exactly have I spent already or
Just want to spend?

With many windows and one lightless hall through what
The destiny can lead the soul...
...not loved, not hated...

Which was forever lost in scaring darkness,
Which empty streets and shadow's quiet wispers
Had created

All winds of my strange-systemed mind falled
Down, broke up and made some kind of endless
And invisible unbreakable wall

One night presented me the flight, the wings...
I put it on and got on unbelievable high, but autumn winds
Made me to loose control and fall...

This invisible world which almost nobody can reach,
Can excite and destroy everything
That You are in a second.

I can sence it by every part of my mind,
But can’t touch by the hand - my first useless attempt
To materialise this system of thoughts divided me crazy

...and it finely made me going on mad
as I made the second...

Every moment I live I add
To a conundrum which I have created
From everything felt, smelled and touched,

Everything I can see, kiss, forgive, hear. remember. forget,
Everything I could give, everything I could get
I used all that I had:

An opportunity to notice and to take
Around myself, and there is a strange collection
Of garbage mixed with diamonds as it used to be
Inside my brain together and needs now separation...

I hope, somehow, it would be divided
As it was therefore minded...

And I got one more important thing
To care about as unfortunately I had got it by my own
Experience, through the tears, droping from my eyes...
It’s all about someone’s lies...

I wished to take off from their heads
Their foolish toys, which they consider crowns

I clearly saw the players and the actors in this life
Turned to be theatre, I stared on the circus, on the clowns...

It is not hard to notice that absolutely everything
You got from people and all kinds of situations rounding
You  JUST ANYWAY has something like a simple price,

Though it looks like so kind and nice
It seems to me impossible to understand by logic
Why don’t they stop this endless lieing to themselves
And everybody in who’s words they still
Believe and really trust

Just try to look on it from other side
And You will get that everyone around
Takes the rules of your game, killing inside out
Worlds extremly fast...

05.2005