Father, why?!

“Father” – what a strange taste upon my lips
While I pronounce it or spell like it would be sacred
I had far forgotten how it sounded when I was your child
More than thousand years passed by
More than thousand tombs I explored
Since I hadn’t open the door you were knocking on

Now I know about your tears for all of these years
Now I can feel all your fears as well
And finally I can notify that was a protracted suicide

I feel all your pain since you’re dead – I swear
This loneliness overtook me since you’re dead
And I multiply it year by year
And what should I say now, Dad?!
I hardly remember your true face,
Just some kind of perceptual map

What can I say now? Father, why?!
Why you were killing yourself for so many years??

I got lost in this cold world standing aloof laughing and scoffing at me
I’ve got nobody by my side to protect me
I have to be strong! But what does it mean?

I wake up at 7 and work as I can until I’m fucking tired
Life is a great fascination but in our genes there’s terrible pain
I’m not like you: I don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t take drugs
I do everything to be better but I feel that all is in vain

I wake up at 7 and work as I can until I’m fucking tired
I’m just like you: I kill myself everyday,
And I don’t know another way
To let this pain work out

What can I say now? Father, why?!
Why you were killing yourself for so many years??

Father, I pray then I read then I pray then read again
Father, I train my body with fencing and dancing
But it doesn’t kill my pain! But it doesn’t kill my pain
I work hard to be better but still feel that all is in vain


“Father!!!” – That’s how I call you through my nightmare
Tossing and weeping in my lonely bed
Convincing myself that I’m not that bad

“Father!!!” – That’s how I call you through my nightmare
Father! Come back! If you come soon so I swear
I will never betray you with my indifference again
Father, don’t kill yourself! Father, come back and stay!

Father, I feel the pain
Daddy, I’m so alone
Father, I feel fear
Daddy, I’m almost near

I’m so close to heaven and so close to hell
Father, this is my letter. I just wanted to tell
Don’t worry: I’m ok and everything’s well