Sonnet IV

Юрий Лазирко

Feel oxygen starvation. Cosmos mumbles
when hands of Atlas are too numb from stiffness.
The hauberk of the stormy cloud with rumbles
slips off his back. I am the only witness
how skies sit down and sift the gloom thought pebbles.
They long for long and earthy games with sleekness
of clammy body laid with hopes to cobble
the lonely heart. To heave a sigh with meekness
the body, drop-by-drop, unwraps the bosom,
concealed in tided lips of ocean’s ceiling.
Such way, ballades are wishful for rhymed music,
such way the timbre of the bell would pass on
the gossips of the wilted day in lilies.
The sonnet lights the written scene for musing.

18 September 2009

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Beautiful! Amazing.
You writing becomes sharper and I like it.
Cheers,
Dina

P.S. There are missing articles the last line...

Беляева Дина 19.09.2009 00:10 • Заявить о нарушении

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Hi Dina,
I am glad to see your words of inspiration and criticism.
I am slowly getting used to the sonnet form, trying to expend my Ukrainian versions…
Thank you,
Iouri
P.S. Made some minor changes to the last line...

Юрий Лазирко 19.09.2009 00:28 Заявить о нарушении

The sonnet lights the written scene for musing?

Thanks for your review. You were too nice. It wasn't good at all. I need to rewrite it.

Беляева Дина 19.09.2009 04:52 Заявить о нарушении

That is correct, Dina. Thank you. I made a change.

Юрий Лазирко 19.09.2009 07:25 Заявить о нарушении

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