I’m falling down to the rivers of tears
The air is angry, it’s squeezing my ears
The waters are swallowing this water frost
The living is over, no chances, I’m lost
The stones are growing up from the brink
The air is stunning, nothing to drink
Bright arrows of sunshine transfixing the air
And translucent wind streams are blowing thru lair
Collapsing of stars are closed by clouds
Wrecking tree branches overstrain all sounds
Despair in the waters is covering me
Black shadows of hope are going to flee
05.09.2008 22.56-23.11
Incidence
© Copyright: Александр Барков, 2009
Свидетельство о публикации №109020701653
Свидетельство о публикации №109020701653
Рецензии
Not bad, but needs work
"living" cannot be used to mean "life"
"my life is all over" will fit in here better.
"And translucent wind streams are blowing thru lair"
Does not fit the size, use something different in place of "translucent"
"Collapsing of stars are closed by clouds" should be "collapsing...is" unless you meant something different, then it still not right
"wrecking" is not the best word choice. Use "snapping" your readers will hear the sound before they eyes can read the actual word
Good luck!
Сам Вадим 08.02.2009 00:15 • Заявить о нарушении
"living" cannot be used to mean "life"
"my life is all over" will fit in here better.
"And translucent wind streams are blowing thru lair"
Does not fit the size, use something different in place of "translucent"
"Collapsing of stars are closed by clouds" should be "collapsing...is" unless you meant something different, then it still not right
"wrecking" is not the best word choice. Use "snapping" your readers will hear the sound before they eyes can read the actual word
Good luck!
Сам Вадим 08.02.2009 00:15 • Заявить о нарушении