chirping cricket

faintly annoying chirping
of mate-calling cricket
was leaving slender wrinkles
on the silent livery
of star-shredded night
thinner than laidback air
the fabric
was a stretch mat with echo-nip
for hungry tear-makers
with undulating swings of wings
serrated edges of claws
and an incurable lust
for drinking diluted blood
straight from the veins
of volatile wind
weakened by
anti-emancipative pressure’s movements
he laid on the grass
writhing in pain
amid trickled down memories
of the last cats-&-dogs falling foray
the hearing boundaries
cut like an ice hole
and refrains of the serenade
were inhaling space
and became an easy catch
for ears
of a busy-with-scanning-folliage bat
to be or not to be
is a trivial question
when you underpin
the food-chain pyramid
and wrinkle hopefully the stillness
attracting a moment of intimacy
or shortening the swan song
of yet another fiddler on the leaf blade

January 15, 2009

Copyright ©2009 Iouri Lazirko


Рецензии
This is a very intricate piece. I like it. It perfect, or almost perfect...
I have couple of suggestions:
Using dashes to define a bat wll make it easier to zip through this line : "of a busy-with-scanning-folliage bat".
"fiddler on" (great allusion, by the way!) does not go well with "grass" (should be "in"). How about "on the leaf" or something like that?
Once again, great piece! Congrats!

Беляева Дина   22.01.2009 01:14     Заявить о нарушении
Cool Dina,
I am glad that you liked it.
I am going to review it!
Thank you,
Iouri :)

Юрий Лазирко   23.01.2009 02:06   Заявить о нарушении
One more time - thank you, Dina.
I made a change.
With warmth,
Iouri :)

Юрий Лазирко   23.01.2009 21:51   Заявить о нарушении
Now it is absolutely perfect!
I like your choice of "leaf BLADE". It is both botanically correct and poetically sharp!

Беляева Дина   23.01.2009 22:03   Заявить о нарушении
Cool,
I am glad that you liked my pick.
Thank you.

Юрий Лазирко   03.02.2009 18:10   Заявить о нарушении