Keep on

Аделина Эмуар
Are you laughing?! So keep on! What’s wrong?
Have you known that it suits you enough?-
You are able to hurt, you are strong-
That’s a wonderful reason to laugh!
You are laughing about me, I know!
Do you think I am totally blind?!
There’s an ice in the depth of your soul…
Tell me, why you are still on my mind?!
Laugh! It’s funny to watch how I am
Looking helpless and silly to you!
You are happy… Who knows what is then?
Love is often a fake. Mine was true.
Heart is empty when memory’s gone.
Everything inside it leaves a trace.
World seems strange since the time we’re born.
And each thing in our life has its place.


© Copyright: Аделина Эмуар, 2009
Свидетельство о публикации №109010700460
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This is very good! Cogratulations. Nice piece.
There is a little dissonance between the last the the next to the last lines, dont's you think?
"world seems strange" vs. "each thing has it's place"
The ending would be so much stronger with a more logical conclusion.
Best,
Dina

Беляева Дина   07.01.2009 06:37   •   Заявить о нарушении
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Possibly you are right Dina! I will think it over and maybe later I will have an idea about another end - which can sound more interesting.

Аделина Эмуар   07.01.2009 16:10   Заявить о нарушении
I look forward to reading your new version.

Беляева Дина   07.01.2009 16:40   Заявить о нарушении
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