He wants to be a president
A supermodern hero
To be the object of delight
And always have a cash
And every day he works so hard
And terrorizes mirror
He could become an emperor
(the emperor of trash)
She wants to be a superstar
To pose for “Cosmo” cover
To shine in high society
And always have success
That’s cool, but all in all
She’s taking a back-number
No individuality
Just mess and noise and stress
I have my holy ganja smoke
I act as a spectator
Is there a role I’d like to play?
What business should I run?
As I don’t wanna cringe to you
And be a bullshit-maker
I want to be a camomile
And always smile to Sun
What I d Like to Be
© Copyright: Даша Фишка, 2009
Свидетельство о публикации №109010400606
Свидетельство о публикации №109010400606
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Dasha,
This is very good. I like your choice of methaphors, they make the poem to sound so authentic! There are two minor "oops" with the articles:
- "cash" does not need an indefinite article here unless you measure it like in "and have a ton of cash"
- "Sun" needs the definite article "and smile to the Sun"
It does create some sizing issues if you'd like to keep "And always..." refrain, which I think you should.
Keep up the good work!
Dina
Беляева Дина 05.01.2009 19:43 • Заявить о нарушении
This is very good. I like your choice of methaphors, they make the poem to sound so authentic! There are two minor "oops" with the articles:
- "cash" does not need an indefinite article here unless you measure it like in "and have a ton of cash"
- "Sun" needs the definite article "and smile to the Sun"
It does create some sizing issues if you'd like to keep "And always..." refrain, which I think you should.
Keep up the good work!
Dina
Беляева Дина 05.01.2009 19:43 • Заявить о нарушении