In the mirror of pupil the reflection's not bright
And the crystal is gloomy, reflecting no light.
We don't find someone in the haze of the nights,
Cause the sparks die away in the deep of the eyes.
We don't hear the souls and don't hear their song,
Cause the souls have lost all their bodies belong.
And the taste of the love we don't feel on the lips,
Cause we stay on forever separated bridges.
Only ghost of the sorrow stood behind the back
And he takes our lives in the darkness of black.
The ghost of sorrow
© Copyright: Пётр Кравчина, 2008
Свидетельство о публикации №108082203932
Свидетельство о публикации №108082203932
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Beautiful! I adore your exquisite gothic imagery and the compelling flowing rhythm, which really makes me drift in the domain of dark dreams on the waves of melancholy music)) But I would just touch on some minor issues of purely technical importance.
"And the crystal is gloomy, reflecting no light" - fits the rhythm better IMHO
"We don't find" or "Haven't found"
and "he takes" or "he'll take" (Tense)
and probably "feel on the lips"
Congratulations on your beautiful poem, it's really great for the first attempt!
(and delete the review)))
Kindest regards,
Ирина Бабанина 01.09.2008 13:06 • Заявить о нарушении
"And the crystal is gloomy, reflecting no light" - fits the rhythm better IMHO
"We don't find" or "Haven't found"
and "he takes" or "he'll take" (Tense)
and probably "feel on the lips"
Congratulations on your beautiful poem, it's really great for the first attempt!
(and delete the review)))
Kindest regards,
Ирина Бабанина 01.09.2008 13:06 • Заявить о нарушении
it's one of the best comments that I have from other poets!
Thank you! Really!!!
My best wishes!
Пётр Кравчина 01.09.2008 20:39 Заявить о нарушении
Thank you! Really!!!
My best wishes!
Пётр Кравчина 01.09.2008 20:39 Заявить о нарушении