I know,
One day,
One magic day
I'll find a way,
My sacred way.
I'll find my way to know, to see,
My very sacred way to be.
My way to learn amazing things,
The way that clear vision brings.
My way embracing all these worlds,
The way to fly like those free birds.
My way where life is really smooth,
The way to get the clear truth.
My way to join together parts,
That way to heal all broken hearts.
I'll find the way beyond and above,
My sacred way to feel true love.
I know
All that
Will happen soon,
For certain very soon...
Magic Incantation
© Copyright: Павел Ничков, 2008
Свидетельство о публикации №108081201028
Свидетельство о публикации №108081201028
Рецензии
This is very good. One line needs to be fixed (someone to me a vision brings).
Беляева Дина 01.02.2009 21:53 • Заявить о нарушении
Беляева Дина 01.02.2009 21:53 • Заявить о нарушении
Ok, thank you again.
What do you think of breaking the rules in poetry?
What is acceptable and what is not?
I really have no idea when when it is possible and when not. So it is not an attempt to start a dispute.
Павел Ничков 01.02.2009 22:08 Заявить о нарушении
What do you think of breaking the rules in poetry?
What is acceptable and what is not?
I really have no idea when when it is possible and when not. So it is not an attempt to start a dispute.
Павел Ничков 01.02.2009 22:08 Заявить о нарушении
The problem here is not breaking the rules of poetry, but breaking the rules of the English grammar. If we break them we need to do that in the manner that sounds intentional, legitimate and comprehensible, not like a mistake of someone who does not know a language. I had the same dillemma when translating Mayakovsky neologisms.
In this poem the structure is so straightforward and transparent, that the 17th line looks pretty much out of place, and not in a good way.
Беляева Дина 01.02.2009 22:17 Заявить о нарушении
In this poem the structure is so straightforward and transparent, that the 17th line looks pretty much out of place, and not in a good way.
Беляева Дина 01.02.2009 22:17 Заявить о нарушении
By the way, I'm OK with disputes. It does not bother me if someone disagrees as long as it is not just for the sake of taking pleasure in insulting someone. Honest opinion only helps one to grow.
Беляева Дина 01.02.2009 22:24 Заявить о нарушении
Беляева Дина 01.02.2009 22:24 Заявить о нарушении
"In this poem the structure is so straightforward and transparent, that the 17th line looks pretty much out of place, and not in a good way."
Sounds reasonable!
Павел Ничков 01.02.2009 22:28 Заявить о нарушении
Sounds reasonable!
Павел Ничков 01.02.2009 22:28 Заявить о нарушении
I have fixed it.
And I have written another edition of it.
Here it is:
I know,
One day,
One magic day
I'll find a way,
My very sacred way.
I'll find my way to know, to see,
My very sacred way to be.
My way to learn amazing things,
The way that clear vision brings.
My way to fly like those free birds,
The way embracing all these worlds.
My way where life is really smooth,
The way to get the clear truth.
My way to join together parts,
That way to heal all broken hearts.
I'll find the way beyond and above,
My sacred way to feel true love.
And
I know
All that
Will happen soon,
For certain very soon...
Павел Ничков 05.02.2009 08:33 Заявить о нарушении
And I have written another edition of it.
Here it is:
I know,
One day,
One magic day
I'll find a way,
My very sacred way.
I'll find my way to know, to see,
My very sacred way to be.
My way to learn amazing things,
The way that clear vision brings.
My way to fly like those free birds,
The way embracing all these worlds.
My way where life is really smooth,
The way to get the clear truth.
My way to join together parts,
That way to heal all broken hearts.
I'll find the way beyond and above,
My sacred way to feel true love.
And
I know
All that
Will happen soon,
For certain very soon...
Павел Ничков 05.02.2009 08:33 Заявить о нарушении