To the Unknown

Ольга Ульянкина

I am your poverty, I take children from mother.
I am death of your crops, I am your hunger.

I saw many wars and they were all the same.
I saw pieces of cloth drooping with blood and fame.
I am your cloudy day with rain like annoying pain.
I am your bullet, your X-ray that scans your brain.
I am prose of life, I'm common reality,that you almost escaped.
I'm a gloomy face of a father whose child has just been raped.
I am illness of grandpa, I'm shaking his hands.
I am your nerves; I am your grief which never ends.
I am your tears and salty blood wound,
I am your torture and... humiliation.
I saw hundreds of wars and they were all the same:
Blood spilt but no fame.
Only books of eternity.But nobody reads.
Only sobbing and short breathing, and swallowed leads.
I saw your death and your end, you will be blessed.
And I saw your soul, she even confessed.
And I met your eyes and in them
I saw that you saw what I saw...

Copyright ©2007 Olga Ulyankina

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Well... I just don't know

As to me I think that the word "humilation" you'd better change to something else ( for example "I am your torture and... you know you're doomed)
The last line is nice by it's meaning but (as to me) it's kinda unfinished...

Reminds me (please don't throw your stones:-) ) "Metallica" with "Sad but true"

Hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who takes you there
hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who cares
they
they betray
I'm your only true friend now
they
they'll betray
I'm forever there

I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
sad but true

I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
you know it's sad but true

you
you're my mask
you're my cover, my shelter
you
you're my mask
you're the one who's blamed
do
do my work
do my dirty work, scapegoat
do
do my deeds
for you're the one who's shamed

I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
sad but true

I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
you know it's sad but true

hate
I'm your hate
I'm your hate when you want love
pay
pay the price
pay, for nothing's fair

hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who took you here
hey
I'm your life
and I no longer care

I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
sad but true

I'm your truth, telling lies
I'm your reasoned alibis
I'm inside open your eyes
I'm you

sad but true

Anyway goodday and good luck!

Федор Клочков 10.04.2007 16:41 • Заявить о нарушении

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Thanks, never heard this song. But I'm glad that my poem reminds of Metallica and not something else, as it's in the right mood. As for 'humiliation' I purposely didn't rhyme it as I want it to stuck in the ears. That's what war in Iraq in my imagination. As for finish, for the idea I put in it it's finished (Despise of war and human's cruelty, soldiers' cruelty, but as much as they are despised as much we realize that war made them this way. They will be blessed anyway, as it was their 'duty', but stupid duty. And only he knows how many innocent people he killed and raped and robbed.)
Just I don't know, I'm going through a compitition and it brought me to a semi-final and I'll have an opportunity to recite one poem from the stage in front of three hundred people at the convention in Nevada. I don't care much about the prize, just I want to leave something in hearts about world important. Thinking either to recite this one or to write smth else, and about what.

Ольга Ульянкина 11.04.2007 08:02 Заявить о нарушении

Yeah... It's always hard when you're trying to appreciate your own creation. I would advise in that case the only thing that really works: 1) use your old and checked verses, 2) anyway don't try to please all the people.
Reading's especially hard when you don't know the people who will be listening to you. In that case I think that one should choose something neutral and in the same time something more universal.

Федор Клочков 11.04.2007 18:37 Заявить о нарушении

Thanks, pal. I think you are right about something more universal, not just to please (I never wright to please,why? and who? and for what? but to think about), just I can come across hostility touching up controvertial topics. As for old verses, I believe always in something new and fresh. Besides, there's no risk of fakes. And you know, the emotions are still hot from the oven.

Ольга Ульянкина 11.04.2007 22:13 Заявить о нарушении

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