I fucked up

Here again, a blank paper
Crazy thoughts tear my head
I wanna say something, later
I’ll tell you what I had
So young and cruel I am
No one could stop me, damn
I lied; he could, like no one
But now he’s gone, I’m done
I couldn’t believe I lost him
He was only one my real beam
that supported me
He was my only God who knew me
I guess it was never meant to be
that I fantasized in my mind
I guess I was blind
before I met him
How could’ve it been?
I lost my best friend
I can’t heal my deep wounds
I can’t believe that it its end
I’m walking on ruins
that I made by myself
No one was there to catch me when I fell
Nobody couldn't see the shit I felt
I’m dying without him
I couldn’t accept it when he was with me
Now I can only reminisce how it’s been
I should’ve told him I like him
But heart doesn’t beat like mine was beat
when you just like somebody, shiiiiiiit
I think I love him, I don’t know
I thought so only when I felt my loss
Help me, who knows!!!
Two years ago I didn’t know
that his influence would be so great
I think only after seven maybe eight
years I’ll call him and tell him
that I was stupid and young
to know what to do and say
I hope he repents of words he’s said
I forgave him, he was sad
It’s too hard to reminisce
It was true virgin bliss
Many men like me
But he made me beautiful inside
In hard minute he could’ve been beside
No matter how much time I’ve wasted
In contrast with many tears I’ve tasted
I fucked up
I gave up …