Over the horizon

I recollect the remote past
over the horizon of my youth,
when I lived in the world of childish games,
had no past,
thought of no future yet;
when my eyes radiated inquisitiveness
and childish trustfulness;
when through a spark in my heart,
a childhood dream
might flame up in a moment.

Now I do realize
how happy I was then!
I looked at the world
with clear eyes of a child,
and the world seemed to be more friendly,
grass - greener,
the sun - warmer.

I recollect that
I not long ago came back
in the childhood,
in my dream:

I`m again looking at the world
with eyes of a child.
I`m standing in the court of my childhood.
I see our flats,
the balcony on the third floor,
from which my school is seen.
I see the swing on the green lawn,
on which my friends and me,
in a flight, would wish to reach
the merry sun in the azure sky.

Suddenly the picture changes.
I`m again in the present:

In the pouring rain,
I`m rambling along a dark street,
crowded with black figures of people
scurrying about.
I feel that from my heart,
like an increasing wave,
unbearable wants is rising:
to find a lonely side-street
and give vent to my tears,
in order to relieve my heart
of the weight of bitterness and pain,
but...
my body is already shaking with sobs.
I no longer suppress my tears.
I keep walking among the black figures
scurrying about,
towards a dim distance of the street.

I wake up feeling worn out.
I look at my, sweetly sleeping,
six-year son and...
I again touch the childhood.

My little sweet son - my treasure!

I`m coming up to the window
and trying looking at the world
with clear eyes of my son,
and...
I see the bright green lawn,
the lovely azure sky,
the merry morning sun,
and I feel
it is growing warm in my heart.



18 December 2005