Death

Артур Гордиюк
I. Great death of the magic strength,
Great death opened magic gates.
He killed all men standing there.
He ate all hearts of his share.
Refrain: Death of the magic dark,
It eat, like a hungry shark.
He likes to eat, like a hungry Satan.
It don't ask sicked human what’s the matter.
II. Great dearth have a magic ghost,
It likes to eat the most.
It likes to hear childrens’ screams.
It don't ask what it means.
Refrain: -\\-\\-\\-
III. It mean - the death will be always.
It don’t seek easy ways.
It kill you today or tomorrow,
Don't seek them, don't follow.
Refrain: -\\-\\-\\-


© Copyright: Артур Гордиюк, 2005
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Of course, I can get your point, but you should pay more attention to the grammar and use more idioms. Your poem sound like word-to-word translation from Russian to English. No offence, but even using their native language very few people can describe their feelings enough to be understood.
Good luck!

Светлана Силина   13.10.2005 01:02   •   Заявить о нарушении
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Thank you. My english was awful those days. But I wrote poem in english, because this ideas of poem didn't get in my native language some reason. But I understood, what I wrote there (in my soul).

Артур Гордиюк   13.10.2005 23:29   Заявить о нарушении
Thank you. My english was awful those days. But I wrote poem in english, because this ideas of poem didn't get in my native language some reason. But I understood, what I wrote there (in my soul).

Артур Гордиюк   13.10.2005 23:29   Заявить о нарушении
Thank you. My english was awful those days. But I wrote poem in english, because this ideas of poem didn't get in my native language some reason. But I understood, what I wrote there (in my soul).

Артур Гордиюк   13.10.2005 23:29   Заявить о нарушении
Thank you. My english was awful those days. But I wrote poem in english, because this ideas of poem didn't get in my native language some reason. But I understood, what I wrote there (in my soul).

Артур Гордиюк   13.10.2005 23:29   Заявить о нарушении
Thank you. My english was awful those days. But I wrote poem in english, because this ideas of poem didn't get in my native language some reason. But I understood, what I wrote there (in my soul).

Артур Гордиюк   13.10.2005 23:29   Заявить о нарушении
Thank you. My english was awful those days. But I wrote poem in english, because this ideas of poem didn't get in my native language some reason. But I understood, what I wrote there (in my soul).

Артур Гордиюк   13.10.2005 23:29   Заявить о нарушении
Thank you. My english was awful those days. But I wrote poem in english, because this ideas of poem didn't get in my native language some reason. But I understood, what I wrote there (in my soul).

Артур Гордиюк   13.10.2005 23:30   Заявить о нарушении
Thank you. My english was awful those days. But I wrote poem in english, because this ideas of poem didn't get in my native language some reason. But I understood, what I wrote there (in my soul).

Артур Гордиюк   13.10.2005 23:30   Заявить о нарушении
Thank you. My english was awful those days. But I wrote poem in english, because this ideas of poem didn't get in my native language some reason. But I understood, what I wrote there (in my soul).

Артур Гордиюк   13.10.2005 23:30   Заявить о нарушении
Thank you. My english was awful those days. But I wrote poem in english, because this ideas of poem didn't get in my native language some reason. But I understood, what I wrote there (in my soul).

Артур Гордиюк   13.10.2005 23:31   Заявить о нарушении
Thank you. My english was awful those days. But I wrote poem in english, because this ideas of poem didn't get in my native language some reason. But I understood, what I wrote there (in my soul).

Артур Гордиюк   13.10.2005 23:31   Заявить о нарушении
Thank you. My english was awful those days. But I wrote poem in english, because this ideas of poem didn't get in my native language some reason. But I understood, what I wrote there (in my soul).

Артур Гордиюк   13.10.2005 23:32   Заявить о нарушении
Sorry

Артур Гордиюк   13.10.2005 23:32   Заявить о нарушении
If you want I can help you with grammar.

Светлана Силина   14.10.2005 02:06   Заявить о нарушении
ok

Артур Гордиюк   14.10.2005 22:44   Заявить о нарушении
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