So strange..

So strange.. seems like I don’t know myself what I want..
Well, the answer is easy – I want you. Want to meet you. See you. Look into your eyes. Want to feel your lips on mine. Your arms wrapped around me. Yet it is a sin – to wish all that. Tho, when one doesn’t believe in God can there be anything called a sin for him then? Nope.
At times.. the passion is so overwhelming. Seems like the planet stops turning but the head starts going round.
Dreams.. Those little slices of death when you fall into the oblivion of your fantasies. How rarely I see you with me there. I just know that you are somewhere deep inside me and I can do nothing.
Sometimes I want to erase all the emotions. To numb them. But.. It is impossible to do in general and in that situation it is just nonsense even to think that.
May.. that May. That evil of May called Devil. That time when a dark angel stole a piece somewhere from that Earth and took it with him.
How many thoughts were there then?
It has been my choice – I know it. No need to remind me.. tho you’ve never done it.
Regret.. Do I regret it? No, of course NO.. How can I? You’ve given me too much but it is impossible to explain it… I won’t be able ever to find the words to describe what you gave me. It can only be felt. If only you could see the world through my eyes. How many times you’ve wished that… if only I could see the world through your eyes. If only…
The only right thing to do – is to stop all that. But how can I dare to do it? Do it so that it doesn’t hurt you? You?
Why do I always forget that there are two of us there? Why I do always forget about myself?
What if…?God, every girl tends to believe that a wish becomes true one day. What if I deny it all now and in a time there would be a possibility to change all that? And if not?
Demand. Where is that unrealistic demand? – to hear from you. That was it. And I do need it. Need it painfully. Need more then a few lines. Yet how can one demand that from you? How can I demand that?
At times I wish I had the strength to type – “I want to finish that all”. But I can’t.
I don’t want to.
But with each day passing it is harder to believe. I guess I am just loosing faith. Faith in myself, in our situation. Situation. Who was the creator of it? What have been there in those lines that changed the life of both?
Guess everyone is looking for a stability. It lacks here.
All these vulnerable emotions.. all these dreams and desires.
Madness that woke one morning with our souls and hearts.

You know, every time I try to say NO the passion raises more. The heart starts beating faster trying to jump out of my body.

Where is that place where we can be one? Where is that so much needed oneness? Where are we? Where is the reality we live in? Who can distinguish the reality from a dream? Where is that bottom line?

Floodings.. eruptions.. How many of them will be there before anything is real.. if ever?

Just for one day. Just for one night. For one deep fall in your yellow eyes.. Devil. Temptation of a Devil. And no strength left for anything.