When I try to get high

When I try to get high
  something makes me fall down,
When I try to stay strong,
something breaks all my faith –
I keep kneeling and fleeing but it’s all around
And I can not escape from this damn emptiness.

I am calling, I’m pleading but nobody answers…
What will happen to us in some changable moes?
So I put on a show,
I’m affected and dancing,
But still not good enough,
but still can’t please you all!

I give up and I curse but still can’t change the rules,
I can’t act resolutely and always delay:
I am tied up to this and I turn back to you -
It’s my fate, it’s my tears, my particular way…

And I know I’m a slave -
I despise me and hate me,
But I also know I won’t be free:
  it’s too late.
All my wishes and thoughts are just somebody else’s.
I don’t feel myself, I am too tired and afraid.

One has said that -I CAN’T- is a word for small people
And we win just when we overcome ourselves…
But the venom is acting,
  it’s deeper
  and deeper
And I’m too weak to fight,
  I’m too lost to be saved…

… When I try to get high,
something makes me fall down,
When I try to stay strong,
something breaks all my faith…
I was seeking and trying to find the way out -
Now I know that my enemy’s
  inside myself.



May, 2004