I Wish To Say

.................................To C.S.



I am a foreigner in this unreal land;
I am a stranger in my own body.
I’m guilty of this constant hiding
From obligations life puts in my hands.
My heart wants something that I yet know not,
My thoughts sink deeply into weird distortion,
Emotion rushes after each emotion
Without which life is but a fog.
It is too strange to finally realize
How desperate were February’s tears
But March is here curing all my fears
With recognition of my self-deceiving lies.

I don’t know anything about your world,
And you turn mine into a bright delusion,
Leave me to deal with my first confusion
And make me figure out how it works…

I want to know, I want to know your name
So I would know that this life is worth living,
The outcome of the most dangerous game
In the cognition of a human being

I sense your mind in every subtle word
And twenty-three is our sacred number
But when I try to speak, I only stumble…
Uncertainty like a seventh in a chord
Who is to blame when only sky’s between us
And it takes nothing to come close to you.
How to make sure that we never do
Let our brain create our own demons.
But maybe we should rather stop.
And stop right now before it all could happen,
And never know the territory’s mapping,
Never allow ourselves to have the hope…

Yet, still there is the longing for a moment
In this not march-like warmest, sweetest evening
A sip of silence, and a breath of weakness
Places my mind into days of torment.

And still I am unsure of what I wish to say.


March 22, 2004