Eyes

Поэтический перевод моего стихотворения "Глаза".
Если будут замечания по поводу улучшения ритмики,
грамматики и орфографии просьба отправлять
на X@pechkin.ru или указывать в рецензии.
Заранее благодарен, Илья.

I saw myself in your black magic eyes
And whole world shook suddenly extremely.
You were so beautiful, so young and so spice
That I decided look at them more deeply.

And then I saw not only lifeline eyes,
I saw my dreams, my wishes and my pain,
A storm with rainbow...they were nasty nice
I burned there but I'm sure, not in vain.

I knew I'll be a slave, forever yours,
A slave of your so lighten eyes of day!
I knew it was a capture, knew of course...
But looked at them so fearless again.

And now I have to live in prison-house,
I smile sometimes when I dreaming you.
Just wanted make a joke spending hours
But destiny has torn my heart quite few.

Who has notice about this verse -
Please, tell me.
Connect to X@pechkin.ru
Thanks beforehand !


Рецензии
Dear Ilya, I like "Eyes" very much, both English and Russian variants.

Thanks a lot and best regards,

Крылова Елена   29.04.2004 11:11     Заявить о нарушении
Well :). It is so pleasant for me to read these strings.

Илья Черный   05.05.2004 09:11   Заявить о нарушении
На это произведение написаны 3 рецензии, здесь отображается последняя, остальные - в полном списке.