Smoke. Shiver. Emptiness

Smoke. Shiver. Emptiness.
Day, may be night. Selfishness.
Where am I, why am I here
I do not know.
Who am I, where I belong,
I do not care.
My life is rumpled, just as my hair
In search for love
Only pain I found.
Just as disease is rife in towns,
Love is a rife until it’s knockout.
Through many years I was resistant to silly passions
And endless kisses in the park.
But with your promises of our love
And time together sacrosanct and thus forever,
I gave my whole, I opened up,
I merged with you into one. 
I let go of fear and I surrendered to you my Dear.
But now I know it’s coming, as always
After love come tears.
And it is here standing before me,
Pulling me, blocking  my air.
So, I feel nothing – only shiver and
I see nothing – only smoke.
You made out of me a believer
In love, passion and full of luxuries river.
But the hole in my heart can not be filled now
As only if I’ll take the whole heart out.